


when i'm with you (it's like always and forever)

by maxverstappens



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Wedding Planning, jos verstappen's awful parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:49:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxverstappens/pseuds/maxverstappens
Summary: “What about-?”“If this is another way of taking death do us part literally… I don’t want to know.” Daniel interjects, cutting Max off before he can come up with another caffeine-fuelled disaster for their wedding.alternatively, Dan and Max are in the process of planning their wedding but everything isn't as easy as it seems.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Comments: 107
Kudos: 135





	1. july

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so, remember that proposal fic i wrote like 104392 years ago (last may) and how a couple of people asked for a sequel and i was just gonna do a fun little one shot but the idea of making it a multi-chapter fic which explores the build-up idk idk but here i am. i think i've been planning this fic at least two/three months now so i'm actually really excited to finally share the first chapter :)
> 
> okay, so tw are in place for: child abuse and homophobia especially because as usual, fuck j*s verstappen. this fic is very, very Max-centric, of course it's still Maxiel and will focus on them but it's just centering around Max a lot. i'll definitely be adding to my tags as the chapters get posted but i think i covered everything but if i missed something - check my notes in future chapters :) title is from strings - shawn mendes! 
> 
> i currently have no idea how many chapters this fic is going to have but as of right now it has a few so just bear with me, idk, anyway, enjoy! i'm gonna go crawl back under my rock!

As it turns out, Max actually does have an interest in weddings, especially when it’s his own that he’s planning. Whilst he’s not treating it like the fairytale that you see in rom-coms - he has ideas and if they’re beyond the realms of stupid - he actually pouts when Daniel vetoes them and Daniel vetoes most of them. 

_ “No, we’re not doing a fucking skydive, Max!” _

_ “Oh my god… are you sure you want to marry me because you sound like you want to fucking kill me.” _

_ “You… want to bungee jump at our wedding… I’m going to say this once, shut the fuck up.” _

Max is sitting on the floor in his apartment, he has a pen in one hand but he’s too busy scrolling through Instagram whilst Daniel lies on the couch, eyes closed but he’s not asleep and Max knows he’s not either.

“What about-?”

“If this is another way of taking _ death do us part _literally… I don’t want to know.” Daniel interjects, cutting Max off before he can come up with another caffeine-fuelled disaster for their wedding. “You want to tell me, don’t you?” Dan asks when he notices Max still staring at him out of the corner of his eye, Dan watches him but it doesn’t mean that Max doesn’t nod any less enthusiastically. 

Max places his phone carefully on the table, a text lying at the top of his screen from his sister asking if Daniel has agreed to it yet - it being the question that Max hasn’t asked yet. The ring on Dan’s finger is reflecting off the light in the living room as he throws one of his arms over his face. Max opens the message thread between himself and Victoria but looks away when she starts typing again, 

“They’re good ideas, you know, you’re just being stubborn-”

Daniel laughs, moving his arm and flicking his gaze down to Max with an amused smile twitching at the corners of his lips,

“You’re calling _ me _ stubborn? _ Me?” _Daniel draws out the words slowly, teasing Max with every syllable until his fiancé is rolling his eyes. “Go on, hit me - no, not literally - what do you want me to veto next?” 

Max smiles snarkily, tapping his pen against the edge of the table as Victoria’s text _ has he said yes???? I wanna go _stares back at him. 

“What if we get married in Australia… this year… when the season ends.” Max stutters over saying the idea aloud. 

Daniel is staring at him as though it’s not the _ craziest _ idea that Max has ever had and in their history, there have been plenty of crazy ideas that Daniel almost wishes he could erase (forgetting that he’s responsible for at least half of them happening). Max blinks and subtly reaches for his phone, lifting it up and opening the camera to take a picture of the thoughtful expression on Dan’s face. He sends the picture to Victoria which gets an immediate _ is that good or bad?! You’re killing me here!! _

“Did you just ask me to marry you in five months?” 

“I just asked you to marry me in five months, yeah.” Max shrugs, he’s pulling at a loose thread in the hem of his shirt, twisting the ring that’s almost scarily identical to Dan’s around his finger. “Too so-”

“You’re the one who has to tell my mum.” 

The corners of Max’s lips start to curl upwards, “so, that’s a yes?” 

“We’re basically going from Abu Dhabi to our wedding, huh?” Even, as cool-as-you-like Daniel can’t keep his voice from raising a few pitches as he speaks and the sound only causes Max to smile more. “I hope nobody has plans.” 

“You haven’t said yes yet.” Max reminds him, the overwhelming feeling that starts to overtake him unless he gets a solid confirmation on anything starts to rear its ugly head. “Dan?”

Max flicks his gaze up to find Daniel stretching one arm out towards him, he clambers to his feet and let’s Daniel pull him until he stumbles onto the couch, body sprawled across Dan’s and their faces inches apart. 

Realistically, they both need to start calling their parents and telling him because from the very limited knowledge they have - they both know they’re pushing it when it comes to fitting wedding planning for a wedding they want to happen in five months finely considering how packed their schedules are until December at least. 

As of right now though, Max’s phone is vibrating off the scale whilst balancing dangerously close to the edge knowing it won’t be long until it vibrates enough that it falls off, Daniel’s phone is also going off but it’s muffled by the cushion underneath his head and they’re both smiling at each other, knowing what’s going to happen but not quite believing it.

They’re both so lost in the euphoric moment that seems to have engulfed them that neither of them remember that they’re supposed to be on their way to England now, Silverstone awaiting the both of them but that does explain the alarm that goes on four times in ten minutes from Daniel’s phone. 

***

They talk about their wedding plans in hushed voices that afternoon, their hands joined loosely together in-between them as they do rock, paper, scissors with their other hands to decide on who has to phone the other’s parents once they arrive. They never beat the other and figure it’s a sign to call their own parents - although luckily for Max, Victoria got too excited and had already informed their mum of the wedding plans. 

Daniel flips him off calling out _ no fair _ under his breath as he tussles with his backpack that has a strap caught around the seat. Max switches his phone on and is greeted with three missed calls from his mum before a text that simply says _ call me honey. _

Max waits until they’re away from the crowds and Daniel’s trailing behind him before calling, his mum answering on the second ring-

“You’re getting married in December?!” 

“Hi mum, I missed you too, how’s your day going?” Max replies with a slight sarcastic twinge that Sophie outrightly ignores but he can hear the smile in her voice when she greets him and asks him about Dan, the two of them sealed as a package deal a long time ago. 

They exchange a little small talk but really Max is just procrastinating actually getting back into the original conversation until he can’t anymore. 

Once behind closed doors, Max hands one of his bags to Daniel and holds up his hand before disappearing into the bathroom and _ finally _ letting his mum talk a mile a minute in excitement that they have somewhat set a date because _ honey December isn’t a date. _Max listens to his mum list off various things they’re going to have to plan, book and sort out in list of importance. Max fiddles with a box of tissues that are on the shelf in the bathroom when Sophie abruptly stops talking. Max pulls a face at the sudden silence, confused as he looks in the mirror in front of him and tries to fluff up his hair. 

“Oh, honey, _ what _are you going to do about your dad?” 

The words feel like Max has just let a tonne of bricks collapse on him, truthfully, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. Max has spent the last few years hiding this part of his life from him that he truly never realised that a _ wedding _ would be harder to hide, they’ve even mastered hiding their rings during race weeks but actually hiding the fact that he’s _ married _Dan, that seems almost impossible. Sophie coughs gently, trying to rouse Max from their ever-growing silence, 

“I’ll figure something out.” Max promises, voice close to wavering as he presses the pad of his thumb against the bottom of his ring. “I… think I need to go, I have stuff to do, I’ll call you tomorrow?” 

“Of course, honey, are you sure you’re okay?” Sophie asks him, that familiar sound of parental concern flowing through her tone as Max stares in the mirror, a harsh glare as though his reflection shows his dad and not him. “Honey?” 

“I’m good, promise, I can sort it out. I love you.” Max smiles, quick, fading just as quickly as he bids his goodbyes to his mum and ends the call, placing his phone down on the cabinet near the sink and curling his fingers around the edge of the sink. “I’m good!” He calls out when he hears Daniel asking if he’s okay through the door. 

His eyes and how red his cheeks are betray him the second that he opens the bathroom door though, Daniel’s eyes flying open when he catches the forlorn expression on his fiancé’s face. Max doesn’t hide it, having stopped trying to hide a lot of things around Daniel unconsciously years ago but it also helps that Daniel can read Max like he’s an open book more often than not. 

“Hey-” 

Max’s stomach twists at the worry in Dan’s voice as Dan catches Max’s arm before he can walk past. Max stops and turns around, gaze finding Daniel’s face as they stand in front of each other, concern flashing through Daniel’s eyes but the attempt to play everything off as fine flashing through Max’s. 

Max wants to laugh at it in all honesty, how his dad can continue to ruin every good thing that’s in his life even though their relationship crumbled years ago. Max almost flinches when Daniel lifts his palm and places it against his cheek, thumb brushing across his cheekbone. Also, that. How Daniel has never once laid a hand on him in any other way than to express nothing but sheer fucking love yet Max still involuntarily flinches every time it happens. 

Closing his eyes, Max leans against Daniel’s touch and exhales a sigh. 

“I told mum I’d talk to my dad.” Max finally whispers the words into the hollowness of the room and feels Daniel tense up before him. 

This weekend would be one of the rare weekends when his dad did show up for the race - over the past few years he’s come to less and less mostly because of how quickly his relationship with Max has deteriorated but mostly because Red Bull are less than hospitable and have been ever since they became known to Dan and Max’s relationship. 

Daniel doesn’t say anything yet Max doesn’t expect him to say anything either, they try to avoid mentioning him as much as possible but Max _ can’t _not tell Daniel about this, how he needs to at least mention it before he finds out through another outlet and all hell breaks loose. At least if hell breaks loose, Max can try and control it within the confines of wherever they are. 

Max screws his eyes shut tighter when he feels Daniel pressing a gentle kiss to his hair, his hand behind his neck now holding him close. Daniel still doesn’t need to say something reassuring, something philosophical, Max knows everything that Daniel means to say is conveyed a lot more through actions with them and just being as close as he can before they both have to part to start with duties for the weekend ahead - this quiet moment is everything. 

Daniel’s smiling at him when they part, a murmured _ you okay? _is asked throughout the room and it feels like it echoes a thousand times as Max nods his head, calmer and relaxed and ready to step out and push away the ever-growing ball of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. He knows he won’t have to force an interaction with his dad until for at least another day and a half but the terror that remains there, it isn’t helping anything.

***

Max and Daniel leave each other a few minutes after each other and because of that they keep bumping into each other as they make their way around. Max finds Lando just before the press conference and Max tells him about their wedding plans - slapping him when he shouts about having never gotten drunk in Australia before and it’s enough for Max’s heart rate to steady when Lando starts making jokes and talking about whatever subject comes to mind. 

The press conference goes smooth as Max can hope for at first that he regretfully begins to relax, he often walks into them expecting someone to scrutinize his relationship with his dad and the lack of appearances, the fact that nobody can remember the last time they interacted - and Max isn’t going to willingly remind the reporters that it was only back at Zandvoort. 

Sometimes though, they bring up unwanted questions and he doesn’t have to strain himself to hear his dad’s name floating through the room and into his ears. It’s something about whether he’s going to be at Silverstone this weekend to which Max shrugs but answers with a short as you like _ yes. _Max doesn’t want to elaborate and the reporter takes the hint. 

He talks about his win back in Austria nearly a couple of weeks ago and manages to erase all thoughts of his broken relationship with his dad until it’s over and he walks outside to a message from Dan asking if he’s okay, he is, sort of. 

Max is busy for the rest of the day and he doesn’t see Daniel until around dinner, walking up to him and meeting the ever-present concern in his eyes when Max has had to think consciously about his dad.

“You alright?” 

Max shrugs and waves the question off, he’s tired, he doesn’t want to think about it and Daniel doesn’t press the matter further, it’s heartbreakingly painful to see the shadow of a person Max becomes at times like this, how he sinks into himself but the most that Daniel can do is just be there when it all comes to a head. 

They get dinner and eat it quietly, they talk about their days - well - Max does mostly to try and keep his mind occupied, to not fall back and let the thoughts that threaten to take over out of their lockbox that Max keeps them in for the most part. 

Daniel calls his parents once he’s back and Max lies on the bed, eyes hidden by the abundance of pillows under his head but listens as Daniel walks back and forth laughing with his dad and talking about their wedding plans to his mum - _ yes really… no… yes we’re being serious. December, yes. _ Max laughs when Daniel rolls his eyes, grinning in Max’s direction as he continues his phone call. Daniel mouths _ they say hi _ to Max who mouths _ hey _back and for a split second - the heavy feeling hammering against his chest lessens knowing he’s on the verge of marrying into a family that have been his second family for the longest time.

Max is on the verge of falling asleep when Daniel climbs into bed, pulling Max against him and feeling Max subconsciously wrap around him. Daniel kisses Max’s forehead and feels the imprint of his fiancé’s smile against his shoulder.

“Pop said that mum is already making wedding plans… he’s annoyed that this is _ all _she’s going to be talking about until December now.” Daniel chuckles, pulling Max closer. 

“Maybe we should get her and my mum together.” 

“I think that’s bullet point number one, baby.” Daniel whispers into the quiet of the nighttime, the starlight and street lights shining through the gap in the curtains at the end of the room. 

Max’s eyes flutter open and closed for the next few minutes as sleep starts to pull him desperately and he stops fighting it. 

It’s only been one day but Max is dreading what’s still to come.


	2. silverstone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey. hi. how you doing? 
> 
> idk, here's chapter two! do i have a love/hate relationship with this chapter? kinda. i hope you enjoy it nevertheless because i actually kinda like this chapter - just some of the parts didn't turn out how i planned. anyway. if i manage to edit chapter 3, i might post it this weekend but idk i'm also kinda busy so we'll see.
> 
> also! thank you to those who commented on the first chapter, oh my god, it made me so happy to see people excited about this :'))

It’s Max’s phone that wakes them up on Friday morning, lying atop Daniel's but just too far out of reach for either of them. 

The first thing that Max registers is that the headache that was beginning to form at the tailend of the night before is making itself known with a vengeance, he knows his headache has another name and he dreads thinking about it for longer than just a matter of seconds. Turning over, Daniel is still asleep, barely but his eyes are still closed despite them fluttering every other second and truthfully, Max doesn’t want to wake him up and would much rather continue what he’s currently doing and that is staring at Daniel through sleep-blurred vision. 

Daniel though, he senses eyes on him and cracks one eye open to smile at Max before reaching out and curling his arm underneath Max’s shoulders and pulling his fiancé to him, savouring the next few minutes of quiet as the world continues to come alive around them outside of their window. The sunlight flows through the gap in the curtains and dances along the floor, reflecting off every surface that it can reach. 

It’s not that often that you find someone who can tell you what you’re thinking without asking, that you can have entire conversations with just through looks alone, who can sense when your deep-rooted fears are starting to flare up-

“Are you going to be okay today?” Daniel asks and his question sounds out of place in the quietness of the room but he’s watching Max with a certain intensity, his fingers brushing through the hair at the base of his fiancé’s neck. 

Max’s silence should be answer enough. In short, yes, Max will  _ probably  _ be fine but when he starts investigating deeper into his thoughts, thinking about the argument that he had with his dad at Zandvoort, still in the garage and Max can’t even remember what had caused the argument but just before qualifying wasn’t the time or the  _ damn  _ place either. Max had never heard his voice rise that loud against his dad but the fury, the shame that stared back at him knocked him for six - but he’d managed to leave before Gianpiero or anybody else got involved. 

“... Hey…” The softness of Daniel’s voice brings Max out of his thoughts. 

Max exhales a sigh and meets Daniel’s eyes, leaning closer and nudging his nose against Daniel’s cheek eliciting a muffled laugh from his fiancé in response. It’s the quiet mornings like these that Max craves amongst the chaos, being secluded from the outside world and just being able to be with Daniel, to do nothing, to be away from curious eyes and hushed opinions. Max wonders whether this is what his life is going to be like when this all comes to an end, even though he knows he has maybe twelve years at least until he has to start thinking about the end of his career - he’s sure of one thing, he’s sure that Daniel is still going to be by his side. 

“You keep zoning out, you okay?” Daniel asks him, eyes scanning Max’s for a sense of something, of doubt, of fear, of pain but he doesn’t find anything, at least not at first.

Max dives and pulls the blankets over him higher, brushing his hair out of his face and squinting to catch a glimpse of the outside through the curtains.

“I’m just thinking about today.” Max mumbles out, the words are low and mostly vibrate against the crook of Daniel’s neck. “I’m okay.” 

“What about-?”

“They won’t let anything happen, think Gianpiero wanted to kill him after Zandvoort anyway.” Max shrugs as he twists in Daniel’s arms to finally reach out and snatch up his phone from the bedside table. “I’ll be okay.” Max promises, whether he promises it to himself or Daniel is another question that Max isn’t entirely sure how he’d answer. 

Daniel’s arm tightens around Max as Max unlocks his phone and checks all of his social media, like he usually does first thing in the morning, mindless scrolling to keep himself occupied to stop him falling back asleep. Daniel watches Max’s eyebrows furrow as he reads something, lips twisting into a frown before he’s smiling. 

Daniel  _ loves  _ Max and especially during moments like this when Max has no worries, when he’s mouthing along with what he’s reading on the screen and pulling different faces when he doesn’t understand something or he rolls his eyes when he disagrees. It takes a lot lately to get Max relaxed, he’s always zoning out and thinking about something, he never lets his mind rest and he can see how much it frustrates and affects Max.

“What?” 

Daniel blinks, lifting his gaze to find Max staring at him over the top of his phone. Max raises his eyebrows at him but Daniel just pushes Max’s phone down and leans in to kiss him, slow and gentle, his fingers curling around the back of Max’s neck. 

“I love you.” Daniel whispers against Max’s hairline just a few seconds later, lips lingering against his forehead, 

A simple declaration of love that’s not unusual for Daniel, no, he probably says the words six or seven times a day but it’s the promise, Daniel loves him, wants the best for him, wants to punch his (unfortunate) future father-in-law, just  _ desperately  _ wants Max to not have to go through this anymore. 

Max smiles at him, a quick upturn of his lips at Daniel as he drops his phone, brushing his fingers through Daniel’s curls and nodding. “Love you.” 

***

The sound of the engines, the tyres as the cars leave the pit lane, Max sitting in his car nodding at everything his engineer is telling him but mostly feeling relieved that for the first session at least - his dad is nowhere to be seen. He can’t fully relax, Max knows this but like most things in life - his problems cease whenever he’s in the car.

The car feels good.  _ Really  _ good in fact, it probably feels the best it’s felt since back in Bahrain and he didn’t even win that race - coming second behind Valtteri. He might have only been in the car for ten or so minutes but he’s already got his own high hopes for the weekend. He passes a blur of yellow on the track and focuses on the sound of the engines around him.

Swallowing down fears and playing off his moods have been something that Max was forced into at a young age, showing emotion was deemed as weak, degrading and so keeping an emotionless expression even if he was breaking down inside became his forte. So much so that until the tailend of last season - Max felt suffocated at races, pushing too hard that he completely destroyed himself. 

His first season without Daniel as a teammate was going to be hard enough anyway but he still felt stifled, he couldn’t even miss Daniel without feeling an extraordinary amount of guilt that stemmed from the harsh glares from his dad whenever he was around. 

He puts in the fastest lap of the session so far and feels the adrenaline coursing through his veins, his thoughts travelling a mile a minute. The first session passes in the snap of fingers as it usually does, the clock ticking down and Max ends up being the second fastest overall behind Charles. 

Back in the garage, Max sees him standing in the corner, he’s not looking in Max’s direction and instead is isolated away from everybody - even Vicky is sending a glare towards him out of the corner of her eye but smiles when she catches Max’s gaze. 

The feeling of being choked returns as Max climbs out of the car, his entire body feels ragged and tense and he deliberately keeps a safe distance between him and his dad. He tries to catch his breath and look through some of the data, trying to keep himself occupied and focussing too hard on the screens to try and stop himself from glancing back over his shoulder. He nods when he needs to and jokes around a little too - the tension starting to move from his shoulders to his neck with the amount of footsteps he can hear around him. 

He taps his fingers against his helmet but just as he’s about to be let go, Max feels a heavy hand on his shoulder and he doesn’t  _ flinch  _ but he freezes completely. It feels strange, the noise doesn’t stop - it’s just as loud as it’s been since the session ended but all can Max can hear in his head is an eerie silence and the sound of the blood thumping in his ears as he slowly turns around. 

“Dad.” He nods, swallowing thickly with his fingers fiddling with the sleeves of his overalls tied loosely around his waist. “When did you get here?” He asks, he manages to keep his voice steady, maintaining eye contact despite his entire body feeling rigid. 

“A short time ago.” Comes his dad’s blunt response, not that Max had expected anything different. 

Vicky approaches them but stops before reaching Max, she raises her eyebrows as if to silently ask him whether he needs her to make up a reason for him to leave but Max subtly shakes his head, closing his eyes and sighing, sighing deeper when he feels Vicky squeezing his shoulder reassuringly as she passes. 

Max continues to wrap his fingers around the sleeves of his overalls to keep himself busy as his dad looks around the garage and either finds people looking in every other direction or some giving his dad pointed looks.

_ “What are you all looking at?! Can a father not talk to his son?”  _

Max closes his eyes again, the words bring the garage to a halt before Max is being pulled out by a hand on his shoulder that is gripping inches away from his neck. Max goes with it, like he always does. 

He lets his dad rant about the disrespect of everybody there to not let him talk in peace and Max just stands in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest looking down at the ground. Max knows that Daniel is waiting for him somewhere, it’s difficult now to find moments to be with each other during the days and usually they’re both exhausted by the time they’re together at night but Max  _ daren’t  _ leave, not yet. 

Somewhere in his dad’s rant about privacy does he notice the distant look in Max’s eyes as he looks around and nods at Carlos walking past. 

“Am I  _ keeping  _ you from something?” He asks him, grunting as he looks over his shoulder to see what has captured his son’s attention, though he’s unusually satisfied with who he sees. 

His dad hates Daniel, Daniel hates his dad. They hate each other. It’s the circle of life.

“No one. I mean, nothing. I’ve got nowhere to be.” Max stumbles over his answer, cursing himself internally, 

His dad’s eyes darken but he skips over Max’s slip up. Max doesn’t relax though, has he truly ever been able to relax in his dad’s presence? Perhaps when he was so young that he couldn’t register more than the sound of his toys and cars on the track but that’s about it. 

His dad’s rant turns to the car, turns to Max’s driving, turns to what he’s used to - pointing out mistakes no matter how minor and his motto of  _ you need to do better.  _ Ironic as it may be, this is the stuff that Max can handle - his dad can pinpoint all his mistakes and make him feel guilty for not being absolutely fucking perfect all he wants but it barely scratches the surface anymore. 

_ “I’ll try harder.”  _ Is Max’s go-to response and he’s mastered being able to sound sincere even when his dad is blatantly just pointing out things for the sake of doing so, to maintain control. “This afternoon will be better.” Max tells him,  _ promises  _ him even. 

His dad grunts gruffly and Max forces a smile as he bypasses him. His dad walks one way and Max walks the other, his headache returning with every step feeling heavy against the ground until he steps into Daniel’s line of sight. 

“You ok-?”

“- Don’t even ask.” 

Daniel nods having seen that coming from a mile off. Max looks back over his shoulder but doesn’t find his father’s silhouette even after looking carefully, his shoulders sag and he turns back around with a frown pulling at the corners of his lips. 

Daniel says something to him but Max doesn’t hear it. 

***

His dad isn’t around for the second and third practice session but he’s back in the garage for qualifying. 

They still have a good few minutes before they have to head off for the start of the session and Max is making the most of sitting in a chair in the entrance of Red Bull’s hospitality with Daniel sitting opposite him - having long stopped him coming in and hanging out there around three races into last season when they realised they can’t separate the pair of them. 

Max is twisting the ring on his finger and he’s got his head back against the wall watching Daniel and listening to him talk. Qualifying means one step closer to Sunday and Sunday means that Max has to figure out how he’s going to talk to his dad about this, honestly, he’s toyed with the idea of just  _ not  _ telling him and dealing with the fallout when he finds out through somebody else. 

Daniel snaps his fingers in front of Max’s eyes causing Max to grin and grab his fingers and twist himself in the chair to glance over at Daniel. 

“What are you thinking about?” 

_ My dad hates me. My dad will probably disown me tomorrow. Why do I care so much about his validation when he’s done nothing but put me down since I was a child?  _

“Pole position.” 

Daniel chuckles pulling his arm until he’s the one holding Max’s hand, thumb brushing across the ring. “Of course you are.” 

“You remember what it is, right?” Max asks, ducking and laughing when Daniel reaches out to try and slap him in retaliation. 

“Smartass.” Daniel mumbles, still keeping their fingers intertwined despite how uncomfortable the angle feels. 

Max leans back in the chair until he clocks the time and regrets getting comfortable again as he stands up, Daniel following. They walk side by side and Lando pushes George into Max’s back, who apologises profusely before trying to slap Lando who dodges the attempt with skilled ease. Daniel stops just before the garage and squeezes Max’s hand before walking past, Max smiles to himself as he walks into the garage. 

His dad is again standing at the back of the garage, secluded and nobody within touching distance. Gianpiero tells him to go and get it. Max is ready, 

He knows he has a good shot this afternoon but in thinking about it, he doesn’t notice that he’s forgotten to take his ring off before he got to the garage, Max is so focussed on the goal itself that he doesn’t notice the way his dad’s face contorts into a scowl at the sight of it.

Max gets into the car and readies himself to fight for pole completely unaware that his dad has definitely noticed the ring and if this was a cartoon, it’s a certainty that smoke would be coming out of his ears by now.

In the end, Max qualifies second behind Charles. It could be better, it could be worse. 

His dad isn’t in the garage when qualifying ends and Max shrugs, unbothered by it as he climbs out of the car and gets a rundown, pulling his gloves off and catching the ring reflecting in the light. It takes him a few seconds, he blinks before shrugging the idea off, there’s  _ no  _ way his dad noticed it.

He’s going to start on the front row tomorrow and he’s completely unaware of the storm that’s heading his way. 


	3. moment of truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. so this chapter is the longest of them all so far but understandable because nobody's favourite parent is proving just why he's The Absolute Worst. this chapter is probably going to be a hard read but bear with me because this is probably the first and last time he has a _major___ role. let me just say, J*s is a dick, goodbye. 
> 
> TW: for homophobia, big warning for this, just tread carefully. 
> 
> if you guys don't hate me after this chapter then I should have the next one out in a few days, saying enjoy feels wrong, so I won't. In that case, maybe, just get through this chapter because this is the worst one of the lot.

Max is to put it lightly, stressed. 

He’s pacing the room, his teeth pressed down against his thumb nail as three thoughts run through his head on an irritatingly continuous loop;  _ he needs to win this race, he needs this day to be over and how the fuck is Daniel still asleep? _

“You’re going to burn a hole into the carpet.” Daniel’s muffled complaint comes from behind him, his face still burrowed into the pillow and his arm covering the rest of his face completely shielding Max’s view. 

Max stops moving abruptly but twists himself around to focus on the bed, to focus on the corner of Daniel’s eye that he can see and he shrugs, he’s never particularly cared about the durity of carpet and today is definitely not the time to start. Instead, he just stands completely still and focuses on the corner on the wall behind the bed, shifting his weight between his right and left foot. Daniel pushes the blankets away and sits up, resting all of his weight on his arm but nods for Max to come over - he does. 

“Do you want me there today?” Daniel asks him, 

For nearly an hour last night they’d talked about this yet Max had been adamant that he didn’t want Daniel to be there, to not have to get involved in what will just be a long tirade of abuse thrown in his direction - whether all of it is directed solely at Max is another question but he didn’t, doesn’t want Daniel to  _ have  _ to be a part of that if he has the choice. Truthfully, though, Max isn’t sure whether he’s going to be able to go through it if he doesn’t have Daniel to back him up - Daniel who has  _ never  _ shied away from his opinions about Max’s dad, Daniel who given the opportunity would fight him if he could. 

The subtlest of touches against the back of Max’s neck draw him back into the room and he’s shaking his head, he’s not sure about the decision and in fact - a small voice at the back of his head is telling him it’s the wrong answer but all that does is cause Max’s head to shake firmer, more assertively. 

Daniel still seems unconvinced by Max’s silence, never a good thing - in the years that they’ve known each other, Max being quiet and unwilling to talk is never a sign of something positive coming their way. 

Max turns his head ever so slightly, his eyes clouded over - dull and matching what the sky outside will look (probably) tomorrow knowing England. Daniel follows his gaze, how Max can’t settle on anything, constantly twitching and moving around to avoid himself to become stationary and to allow him even just a second of time to concentrate on the thoughts swimming in his head. Daniel leans in closer, trying to look past the ever-growing fear that’s in his eyes. 

“I’m going to stop. Thinking about it, I mean.” Max decides, the tone of his voice contradicts his words but Daniel knows that fighting Max on this will cause more damage than agreeing and letting Max lead himself into a false sense of security will in this situation, be better for them both. 

Denial isn’t always the worst choice. 

Daniel kisses Max’s hair and hums in agreement, Max twisting the ring on his finger and staring at it as it reflects against the daylight, the morning outside is still reasonably quiet, enough to act as a distraction but not enough to lull the both of them back to sleep. 

It still leaves Max enough time to check his phone, to laugh at the picture that Victoria sent him a matter of minutes ago of her face barely visible behind the stack of wedding magazines  _ (look what you've done to mum).  _ The corners of Max’s lips twitch upwards, being able to count on the two of them helps to crash through the wall that he’s spent years building up to resist the harsh words, the cold treatment from his dad. He’s eternally grateful to know that he has the two of them to fall back on when things get rough, his mum always used to tell him as a kid that she was a  _ no judge zone  _ yet Max didn’t take advantage of it until he was an adult, barely but an adult and realised that she was right - no judgement no matter what mundane, almost stupid problem he came to her with. 

Max is scrolling down Instagram when he feels droplets of water hit his shoulder and Daniel’s damp curls pressing against the side of his neck. Daniel presses his index finger to the screen when Max starts scrolling too fast, taking the time to read the captions instead of doing what Max just and just scrolls to see a blurry array of colours. 

They waste as much time as they can, remaining cut off from the outside world until they have to face it, it is race day after all. The dread and nausea returns to Max somewhere between walking outside into the reasonably warm sunshine and greeting Vicky when she slides up beside him and says good morning cheerfully. Max resists the urge to ask if it’s actually a good morning but still, he’d rather it be the morning than any time after five o’clock tonight.

Everything that Max should be thinking about is the stuff that is buried so deep at the back of his mind that it might as well just not exist at all. He’s not paranoid by any means but every other second he’s glancing back over his shoulder, his shoulders tensing when he hears footsteps that sound just a little too heavy, he keeps zoning in and out of what Alex is saying to him, neck tense and his fingers twitching every few seconds. Alex is asking him about Lando but Max doesn’t register the question, registers the name but that’s it and he’s left staring dumbly at Alex.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks him, flicking his gaze between Max and everybody else walking around in different directions near them. 

“Sorry, mate.” Max smiles sheepishly, lifting his cap off his hand, smoothing his hair down before replacing it mainly to give his hands something to do but it only adds to how distracted Max seems. “What were you saying?” 

This time Max tries to drown out the white noise inside his head and ignore the buzzing against his skull and listen to what Alex is saying to him, he manages to hold up a conversation for a few minutes before Alex leaves him be, figuring he needs it - Max is grateful even if he doesn’t have the brain capacity to show it. 

He keeps his ring on underneath his gloves this time, especially as the time ticks down to the beginning of the race and he sees his dad for the first time that day - doesn’t react when he ignores Max entirely, in fact, that might be the nicest thing his dad has done for him in a long time. 

“Get us a win today, mate.” 

Max nods, regardless of everything else that’s to come - that’s now Max’s main focus, that’s all he cares about, beating Charles, overtaking him again in the standings. 

In the end, Max  _ does  _ beat Charles, he also loses a place to Seb but still, he finishes on the podium and thanks to that he’s back above Charles in the Championship standings.

***

Max hangs around the Red Bull hospitality an hour after the podiums and interviews are done, anxiously shifting his weight from foot to foot, Daniel left a few minutes back but promised Max he’d be close by and Max wished that could have been reassuring. His ring in his pocket and despite it weighing barely anything, it burns a heavy hole and feels like it weighs the entire world and more. Truthfully, Max begins to wonder whether he should just leave, his patience wearing thin or maybe that’s his deep-rooted fears rising up at such an accelerated pace that he isn’t sure he can hold them off much longer.

Distracted thinking means Max doesn’t see his dad enter, doesn’t see his dad approach and it’s only when a heavy, unwanted hand lands on his shoulder causing Max to flinch does he snap out of his thoughts and feel the panic rising in his throat. 

“Hey dad.” Max greets through gritted teeth, shoving his hands in his pockets and feeling his middle finger knock against the ring. 

“What’s this about?” 

“We need to talk.” Max tells him, voice calm and steady and a complete turnaround for how he currently feels inside, the nausea swishing around his stomach making him feel dizzy and lightheaded but he can’t choose to focus on it, not when his dad stare turns colder,  _ annoyed.  _ “It’s important.” Max adds as an afterthought, he never imagined being  _ this  _ terrified to tell either of his parents that he was getting married.

Oh, to be six years old again. 

It’s empty, most people having left but it’s still public enough that his dad might think twice about making a scene when Max tells him what’s going on,  _ might  _ being the key word because if Max knows his dad as well as he thinks he does then no amount of public space is going to stop a public display of yelling at him.

Max leads them both into an empty room, looking out through the window at the top for a sign of someone but the reception remains empty and Max feels  _ alone,  _ even if he knows he has to talk about this whether he wants to or not. 

His dad stands an intimidating figure just a matter of feet away from him, despite Max being taller - the sheer terror that courses through his veins when he’s with his dad in the same room catches him looking much taller, towering over him as though Max is a child again and so much smaller than him.

“What do you  _ need  _ to talk to me about?” His dad asks him, sneering ever so slightly as though a conversation with his son is the biggest inconvenience. 

It’s not often that Max  _ doesn’t  _ know what to say but looking at his dad, seeing a man that has spent the last two decades putting him down, telling him he’s not good enough but playing the proud father figure when he wins, the lies, the fake public persona to keep up with a given  _ nice guy  _ reputation, Max realises that he can’t push the final button.

He  _ knows  _ his dad is cynical enough to make Max’s life even more of a living hell once he tells him about his engagement. It sounds cruel but constantly putting Max down is just a normal days work for his dad, but the thought of maximising that, giving him more ammunition has Max freezing up completely, his fingers curled around the ring in his pocket. 

He regrets not making Daniel stay now. 

The sound of a palm hitting the table in the centre of the room has Max bounding back a few steps, stumbling as he snaps his head up to meet his dad looking ten times more enraged and impatient than he was just a matter of seconds ago. Max swallows thickly, maintaining eye contact with his dad as his fingers clasp around the ring tightly and he pulls his hand out of his pocket. 

With shaking fingers, he opens up his hand and notices his dad’s eyes flicking down to it, glaring harshly at the piece of silver laying in Max’s palm. 

“I’m. Dan and I. We’re. Engaged.” Max manages to say between stumbling over the words. “We’re getting married.” 

You see, Max never explicitly admitted to his dad that Dan and him were dating, his dad always had his own suspicions and Max never denied them, that’s what kicked off the start of their relationship deteriorating in the first place. 

In a quick flash, barely even two seconds, his dad is up in Max’s face and he’s snatching the ring from his son’s hand, holding it up inches from Max’s eyes and scowling, eyes ablaze with nothing but sheer fucking hatred. 

_ “This.”  _ His dad spits the word out as though it’s poison, “is a joke.” 

Max shudders at how calm yet how indisputably disgusted his tone of voice is. Max remembers being seven years old and getting new neighbours across the street, two men - he thought they were friends at first or brothers but when he overheard his mum and dad talking about it a few nights later. He heard the first of many homophobic rants from his father, how his dad didn’t want Max and Victoria to have to grow up and live across the street from something so  _ wrong.  _ Max didn’t understand, his mum used to read him and his sister a bedtime story each night except one night - they wanted their mum to make up a story. She did. It was about two  _ people  _ who lived in a magical kingdom and fell in love. She never specified but she did try and fight back when his dad would make a homophobic comment out of the blue. 

Max never understood why his dad got so angry at two people falling in love when his parents supposedly loved each other too.

_ “- Do you have any idea how wrong this is?!”  _ His dad shouts at him, his voice echoing more and more as Max focusses on the ring that his dad is holding between his thumb and forefinger. “How dare you do this to me?  _ To my family?!  _ Who would let you get married?” 

Max bites his tongue to not point out that he could get married in a choice of almost thirty countries.

His dad nods towards the ring. “You’re making a sick joke, no son of mine is  _ gay.”  _ The fact his dad looks like he wants to vomit after saying the word has Max’s stomach in knots, 

It’s not until his dad throws the ring across the room and the clanging sound of it bouncing off something, a wall, a chair,  _ something  _ in the room does Max flinch and feel burning in the corners of his eyes. His dad’s hand is around the back of his neck before he can even begin to look around the room for it, forcing their eyes to meet, to see how fucking ashamed his dad is of him. 

“You disgust me.” 

Max doesn’t move, scared if his dad’s grip will get tighter if he tries to resist.

“You are no longer my son. I will  _ never  _ support your sick fucking fantasy.” 

Every word feels it’s burnt into Max’s skin, with every word, those few good memories that he has with his dad being a child slip away, disappear in the blink of an eye and all he sees is someone who  _ despises  _ him. His dad’s fingers dig into the back of his neck until Max hisses and he pulls away forcefully causing Max to stumble backwards and almost lose his balance completely. His dad doesn’t leave, not for a few more seconds and Max sees their relationship or at least what was left of it ten minutes ago crumbling before hazy, blurred eyes. 

“Take that asshole’s name. Fuck you if you think you’re keeping my name.”

Surprisingly, his dad’s parting words are the ones that resonate the most. His dad doesn’t stick around when Max can’t outstubborn crying anymore, barely one tear has reached his cheek before the sound of the door slamming is the only noise reverberating around the room. 

He’s alone for minutes until the door opens again, slowly, carefully and the sharp inhale before 

“Max?!  _ Jesus Christ, what happened here?” _

Max sits on the floor, arms curled around his knees pulled up to his chest with his head against them, the only sound now is soft sobs that feel a thousand times louder than they are. He flinches when Daniel crouches down in front of him, recoiling from Daniel reaching out towards him and the single action is enough for Daniel’s heart to break. 

_ “Find my ring.”  _ Max mumbles, pulling his knees impossibly closer to his chest. “Find it.” Max repeats between broken cries. 

Daniel frowns, sighs sadly and leaves Max where he was to look around the room, the anger boiling, coursing painfully through his veins as he lets his mind run to unimaginable scenarios - he isn’t even sure he wants to know what happened. The ring sits by a chair leg underneath the table, a scratch across the top of it when it  _ probably  _ made contact with the wall. Daniel reaches Max once again who stretches out his hand for Daniel to slip the ring back on before Max is hiding his hand underneath his arms again. 

Max doesn’t say anything. Daniel doesn’t think he could think of anything if he tried. They sit in the same spot for minutes, maybe even an hour but when Max’s fingers slide through Daniel’s, there’s an unspoken promise made between them both. 

Whatever happens, they have each other. 


	4. catching a break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who's ready for another underwhelming update? you guys? well! you're in luck. 
> 
> okay, i just have to complain about the grief this chapter has caused me because oh my god???? five times i've rewritten this with five different ideas and this is the only one that stuck but that doesn't even make me love it. ugh. i'm so sorry for complaining but wow i can't wait for chapter 5. i hope it's better. anyway. enjoy! this chapter isn't an angsty mess. i'm gonna take a nap

Hungary is, in a word, tolerable. 

Daniel and Max have to be prised apart when it comes to when they have to be somewhere different from the other and it made preparations for the weekend difficult but they got through it, like most things, together. 

There had been tearful phone calls and long conversations in the first few days after what happened at Silverstone, Max had been a shadow of himself and Daniel had been in the gym every single day to get out his anger in a way that wouldn’t hurt anybody. The race is less than stellar and Lewis wins it in a breeze. 

Max doesn’t make the podium. 

He can’t say he’s anymore than just a little disappointed by it, it’s one of those days, could have - probably should have been better and that’s the same bullshit he tells reporters after the race, distance in his eyes as Vicky lays a gentle hand on his shoulder to move him along. He keeps drifting in and out of concentration - only realising when he answers a question, meets the reporter’s eyes and realises what he’s said is so far from what was asked. He apologises, listens to the repeat of the question and answers it again. Vicky relieves him of the duties afterwards, smiling warmly at him and playing it off as just _ one of them days. _Max nods, thanking her and heading off to find Daniel. 

Daniel is waiting for him with open arms, or, one open arm - he’s on the phone when Max finds him a few minutes later. Daniel’s entire expression changes when he finally lets his gaze fall on Max, his smile warm, radiant and manages to still flip Max’s stomach upside down. Max joins him and settles against his side, already feeling the exhaustion settling in his bones, only intensifying when Daniel’s fingers brush through his hair, relaxing him to the point where he thinks taking a nap standing up might not be his worst idea. 

He’s so far out of it now that he doesn’t even register what Daniel’s saying, he’s managed to figure out it’s one of his parents but that’s about it. He’s got his sights set on warm weather, he’s got his eyes on days of doing nothing to let his mind take a rest. To spend uninterrupted time with Daniel, to preferably be on a different continent to his father. The thought is almost too good to be true. Daniel says a goodbye to whoever he was talking to, mentions Max’s name bringing him back into the room and he’s pocketing his phone when he’s done. 

“How do you want to take a detour before break starts?” Daniel asks him, he’s hiding a smile terribly as he leans in and kisses Max in greeting. 

It sounds ominous to put it lightly, hence why Daniel laughs at the skeptical expression on his face and Max is more than just a little skeptical about the secrecy that’s etched across his fiancé’s face.

“That was mum-'' Max was right, Daniel continues talking as they walk outside, it’s practically deserted now and it feels eerily strange still being here, “remember when my Aunt got married… _ again?” _Max nods, “remember the place?”

“Is that the same place you tried to push me into the lake?” Max asks, 

Daniel throws his head back laughing at the question, pressing Max closer to his side. “I didn’t try and push you into the lake, I tripped on the step and you were in my way.” He tries to defend, Max rolls his eyes but the corners of his lips are curling upwards nevertheless. 

“I remember the place… what does a detour have to do with it?” 

Daniel raises his eyebrows, “want to go and check out a wedding venue?” 

Max hesitates, the wheels in his brain not working as quickly as usual and it takes more than just a few seconds for him to realise. “I wouldn’t call Australia a _ detour, _but, an actual wedding venue?” 

“No, it’s a virtual one.” 

Max digs him in the ribs but he had up until this, almost completely resigned himself to believing that Daniel and him were not destined to catch a break so much so that this almost feels _ too _overwhelming, as if the pressure of the last couple of weeks has finally caught up with him. 

He stops, pulling his cap further down to cover his eyes as he feels an unwelcome but familiar feeling burn at the corner of his eyes, the relief that he feels rushing through his blood hurts, so many different emotions flooding through at once. It’s barely even something but after _ this. _After what’s happened recently, it feels like it’s everything. 

Max reaches out for Daniel, his fingers twitching as he wraps the sleeve of his fiancé’s shirt around his fingers and pulls him back. Surprised, Daniel raises his eyebrows at Max, letting himself be pulled without question.

“Let’s go.” 

_ Let the wedding planning begin. _

Arriving in Perth feels like arriving home, it feels like a heated room in winter, it feels like cold water on the hottest days, it feels right and when Grace pulls Max into a hug, holding him close and telling him how _ happy _she is to see him, Max thinks he could cry. Neither she or Joe show any sign of knowing what happened, both choosing to fuss over and nag Daniel until he begs them through laughter to stop. 

Glancing over his shoulder, Daniel winks at Max, _ welcome home _ he mouths to him and Max can’t help but wonder if he’s right. He’s long known that spending time with Daniel’s family never felt like he was secluded, he knows that he’s felt comfortable with them since the first time that they met - back when they were just friends, back when a situation such as _ this _seemed so far from impossible they would have needed a stronger word for it. 

Grace keeps her arm around Max’s shoulders as they walk out towards the car, shaking her head fondly at Daniel and Joe walking ahead of them, she says something to Max that sounds like _ it’s like they haven’t been apart. _ Max can’t help but agree but the jealousy that sits in the pit of his stomach makes him shift uncomfortably as he walks - how he’d _ kill _for a relationship like that with his dad, how he craves a support like that, a healthy relationship, being able to joke around and be friends with his own. 

It’s hard but it’s reality, even more now and the thought gnaws at Max. 

***

A day later and they’re getting ready to leave to go venue hunting, or, look at one venue because that’s all that is on their list and hope for the best and as _ usual _Daniel has resounding opinions such as 

“It’s cold. Why is it _ so _cold today?” He complains, yawning and pulling a hoodie over his head, looking around the room and muttering to himself. “Baby?!” 

Max hears Daniel shout from the kitchen, he’s sitting with Grace and Joe talking about wedding plans and it’s only during the conversation does Max realise that there is so much to do, every time Max mentions something - Grace asks them if they’ve thought about something else and every now and then Joe will chip in with another thing Daniel and Max haven’t considered. _ Why _did they decide to get married in December again? 

Daniel walks into the kitchen, greeting everybody before wrapping his arms around Max’s shoulders from behind and kissing him good morning for the _ third _time, keeping his arms around him, Daniel asks his mum the question he should have asked her back in Hungary-

“How did you know about the venue?” 

Grace sips her coffee thoughtfully, “oh, you don’t remember, do you, buddy?” 

She looks rather amused at the question which has Max tilting his head back to share a confused look with Daniel. She places her mug down but keeps hold of it as she looks between Joe and both of the boys, 

“You told me you were going to get married there, said you were going to marry...” she trails off, 

Max laughs, covering his face with his hands before meeting the sheepish expression on his fiancé’s face, even though Daniel seems confused - Max soon enough figures out the maths in his head, the wedding had been a year and a half ago, sort of. They had barely just made it past being together for a year. 

If anything, it’s astonishing. Max realises that he’s just dumbly staring at Daniel, he still has a pretty good memory of that day but _ still, _having the knowledge that Daniel was consciously or subconsciously thinking about it is still difficult to comprehend. Max can’t remember what he thought of their relationship after a year but it definitely wasn’t that. 

“I didn’t propose for another year and a half!” Daniel tries to defend, “thinking about it and actually _ doing _it are different.” 

_ “I proposed.” _Max corrects, thinking back to the ridiculous sequence of events that led to them proposing at the same time. “I actually said the words first.” 

“Yeah, yeah, you stole my fucking moment.” Daniel huffs, barely even annoyed (if asked though, _ he _proposed). 

Grace watches their childish bickering fondly, sees the shared glimmers in their eyes, notices the little things that Daniel and Max perhaps don’t notice as often anymore. Sees how alike they’ve become over the last four years, their mannerisms and the way they talk to each other. She always worried for Daniel, being so far from home, constantly worrying about him and now that he has Max - she worries about him too. She’s always said that her biggest fear is Daniel racing and now that same amount of worry is for Max too, praying for a safe race for the both of them. Racing aside, she _ knows, _sees the sheer love between the both of them and having the knowledge that throughout it all they’ve got each other, she’s grateful. 

***

_ Brookleigh Estate. _

Max remembers the place properly now, remembers the idyllic views across the different areas, remembers the _ lake _ \- Daniel doesn’t help matters when he’s the one to point it out. _ I could push you in there as payback. _

Daniel laughs with him, kissing Max’s forehead as they trail after Grace and Joe who is walking ahead with their guide, Natalia, she’s talking about the history of the place whilst Daniel and Max are ambling and stopping every few seconds as one of them points something out to the other. The grass is damp underneath their shoes but Daniel imagines the scene basked in sunshine, imagines teasing Max at the altar, _ imagines the party afterwards, _he can’t stop picturing little instances.

“I’m sure you know, we did have a cancellation in December…” Natalia’s voice, having stopped just ahead brings Daniel and Max’s attention to her, “and I believe from the phone call I shared… you two plan to get married in December?” 

Daniel glances over to Grace who nods, of course she would remember Daniel’s _ possibly _drunken ramble about getting married here, was he even drunk? Well, he doesn’t remember much of the day after the ceremony so there is definitely a possibility. 

“Yeah-” Daniel answers for them, kissing the top of Max’s head, “as soon as possible.” 

Max reiterates the sentiment. Natalia talks numbers, mentions that they’re the first couple to apply for the venue on the weekend of the fifth and the _ thought, _the possibility that this might all be happening, that officially booking a venue somehow makes everything real, that the dizzying reality of Max being married, of Daniel being married, of them being married to each other before the year ends just might happen after all. 

It threatens to spill over. Max is sure that his relationship with his dad is done anyway, can’t see a way to recover from this but the thought, knowing that this wedding is the final nail in that coffin. It doesn’t make him want to marry Daniel any less, if anything, there’s a small part of him that’s _ relieved _ this would ruin his relationship with his dad completely, a part of him that wants to say _ fuck you _to his dad for all the years of hell. 

Though, after years of pushing harder than a child should be pushed, with starry eyed dreams of World Championships, to not even have one before their relationship reached it’s inevitable breaking point, to feel like the hard work and the pain and tears were for nothing, it settles uneasily in Max’s stomach. 

Natalia leaves them to look around whilst she runs some more numbers inside and Max doesn’t waste a second dashing off, hurrying away, his feet pulling him to the bridge over the lake, the same lake that Daniel _ definitely _tried to push him into. The water skims over the rocks as he walks up the bridge to the centre. The wind blowing creates ripples in the water and Max wants to reach down and drag his fingers through it, or skip stones, wants to see something so smooth turn to something so jumpy and unsettled, to reassure him that he’s not the only one who feels it. 

Daniel’s hand against his hip causes Max to squirm, surprised but feeling dumb for being so. 

“If you’re having second thoughts… at least tell me _ before _the deposit goes down.” Daniel jokes, but Max doesn’t laugh, 

He turns, lifts his hand and rests his palm against his fiancé’s cheek, brushing his thumb against Daniel’s cheekbone with a featherlight touch that doesn’t feel close to being as strong as the breeze around them. 

“No doubt.” Max promises, that is the one thing that he’s absolutely sure of. “I love you.” 

“Did you just say you love me? And I _ didn’t _have to make you say it? It must be my luck-”

Max slaps his arm cutting Daniel off abruptly. “Don’t ruin it.” 

The _ I love you too _vibrates against Max’s mouth when Daniel pulls him closer. 

They walk around the secret garden and the lakeside, they talk about their preferred venue and the bickering begins over where to hold the ceremony, Daniel tangles his fingers with Max’s and pulls him in different directions when he gets distracted by something new. The pressure falls away, they feel like an ordinary engaged couple for once.

They don’t get deterred by the rain, maybe Max tries to push Daniel into the lake for revenge. They officially book the venue for the weekend and Daniel takes Max to the gazebo that overlooks the lake for a moment of quiet after noticing how quietly distressed Max became when guest numbers were asked about. 

They have a rough number but Daniel _ knows _ that’s not what upset him. A melancholic mood surrounds Max as he gazes across the lake, it feels _ strange. _It’s happening now, his dad won’t be here - two things out of a hundred and possibly more that are confirmed, stark differences between how they make him feel. 

“It’s going to work out, you know?” Daniel tells him, curling his arms around Max’s shoulders. 

What’s going to work out - they’re not entirely sure but Max knows Daniel is right, _ knows _that no matter what hardships, low points that they’ve had to endure so far, they’ve constantly come out on top. 

Max has hated promises since he was a kid having only ever had them broken, never trusted either but here he is, believing and trusting the one person who _ has _never let him down. Max turns in Daniel’s arms, not even a shadow of doubt lay in his eyes, 

Max nods before lifting his hands to twist his fingers in the strings of Daniel’s hoodie. “We’re still getting married at the lake.” 

“No, we’re not! You’ll push me in it.” 

Max grins, Daniel kisses him. 

Sometimes things work out the way you envision them but the waiting is always the worst part.


	5. working hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i've been staring at this chapter for five days or so now and honestly i had no energy to post it. not because it's terrible although i've winged this entire fic so far so probably. but. insecurities right. they're the worst. i figured people didn't like it or expected more and if you know me personally you know i am a certified dumbass but i've been planning this for so long and i'd be mad at myself if i didn't see it through. so. here. it's fun! also this is chapter is kinda short but my race weekend chapters are usually longer because i create drama so i'm sorry for this :(
> 
> race weekend next chapter(s) and i, for one, cannot wait. anyway come and yell at me about f1 on tumblr or just talk nicely to me idk idk idk

It’s the sound of the door opening and closing before three different voices start talking over each other that wakes Max up - they’ve barely been back from LA for nine hours but the sound of  _ Dan take that  _ and  _ and take this too  _ travel through the walls of Max’s apartment, echoing in his ears as he grumbles, not in the mood for company and certainly  _ not  _ this early in the morning. The bedroom door is still open, cracked slightly with the light from the hallway streaming in against the carpet, moulding with the sunlight that’s streaming through the blinds. 

As he begins to wake up, Max recognises the voices, recognises the sound of his mum’s voice travelling through the walls and Victoria talking to Daniel amongst the hustling and movement. It becomes a near impossibility to fall back asleep and so Max just waits, eyes half-open and a pillow curled underneath his arm for the bedroom door to open a little more and to be  _ woken up.  _ The door creaks and the first thing that Max sees is Daniel’s face around the door and he’s smiling-

_ “You’re awake?”  _

Max pulls the pillow from under him and launches it across the room, it hits Daniel square in the stomach, he catches it and throws it back - it hits Max in the head. Max takes it and shoves it under his head, 

“Wake up, sunshine, there’s wedding planning to do.” 

Max laughs, rolling onto his back and blinking up at the ceiling as the remains of sleep are starting to shake off him, he stretches, Daniel waits by the door as Max climbs out of bed, still stumbling sleepily around the room until Daniel stops him with an arm around his waist, leaning down and getting the good morning kiss that he wants. Max smiles against his mouth, he bunches up Daniel’s hoodie in his hand, the other moving to brush through his tousled curls. Daniel keeps his arm around Max’s shoulders as they make it into the kitchen, notepads being pushed into Daniel’s hand and a magazine being pushed into Max’s. 

“No time to waste, boys.” Victoria tells them with a teasing twinge to her voice as she bites down on the straw in her drink. “Apparently most people don’t plan weddings in five months because it can be stressful, a lot of places and people are usually booked or busy… but that’s just what scientists say.” She shrugs, spinning on the stool she’s sitting in at the counter. “Don’t quote me.” 

Sophie is pottering around the room in a distracted haze, talking quietly to herself before stopping and coming face to face with both boys, she kisses Max’s cheek though she rather scrutinises him silently in the process, it’s the first time she’s seen him since hearing the news about what happened at Silverstone and she’s always been able to read him better than he could. Max blinks and shifts uncomfortably under her gaze, she frowns brushing her hand through his hair. Her face remains straight but her eyes are curved softly, satisfied for now, or maybe she just knows they have a lot of work to do - Max hopes it’s the latter.

Max is still asleep as he flicks through the pages in the magazine, the pictures are still blurred through his sleep-hazed eyes, Daniel and Sophie are talking about the list that Daniel is making when Victoria moves to the seat beside Max, nudging her brother’s shoulder and smiling at him. 

“Are you okay?” She asks quietly though she could have shouted it for how distracted Daniel and Sophie are. 

Max shrugs, if he doesn’t think about it he’s usually good at pretending it doesn’t exist but the problem is that even when he tries desperately hard  _ not  _ to think about it, it’s still there, it rises slowly from his subconscious to taking over every single one of his thoughts and that is when it gets hard to shake. He shrugs again, it’s as good an answer as any until he remembers the person who asked him the question is as stubborn as he is. She’s the first person that Max called, merely three hours after it happened - it was the first time he’d spoken more than two words, his hand in Daniel’s, reluctant to let them be separated for even a second. The words _ what did I expect  _ echo in Max’s ears, he blamed himself, still blames himself for believing that even for a second his dad could be understanding. That for  _ him,  _ for his own son, he could just not be the fucking worst. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Max asks back, raising his eyebrows as he scratches the tip of his nail on the top corner of the magazine page. “I’ve got a lot to look forward to.” 

He flicks his gaze over to Daniel, he’s writing something down on the notepad but looks up when he senses eyes on him, lips curling upwards when he meets Max’s eyes. He’s spinning the pen between his fingers now, a smattering of confusion covers his face as he mouths  _ you okay?  _ to Max. 

He’s okay. He’s coping, he’s missing being in the car and having a place to go where he’s  _ truly  _ distracted but he’s not in the worst state of mind, it doesn’t mean he’s in a particularly great one either, constantly wavering between good and bad and taking most things a day at a time, coping methods he had to find himself as a kid, methods that he’s took with him every day of his life since. 

_ I’m okay  _ Max mouths back, flicking the page between his thumb and forefinger before Daniel disappears out of the kitchen and reappears just a few minutes later, arm around Max’s waist and leaning down to rest his chin on his fiancé’s shoulder. 

“We need to go, I have something I need to show you.” 

Max tilts his head backwards, raising his eyebrows at Daniel but Daniel doesn’t give anything away, it adds to intrigue spiked with a little anxiousness. “You’re not going to tell me?” 

“No.” 

Max resists the urge to roll his eyes, getting up and heading towards the bedroom, he steals a glance back at Daniel - eyes down on his phone and remaining tight-lipped. If Max’s mind starts to race into the ridiculous if not slightly worrying territory then it’s  _ entirely  _ Daniel’s fault and anybody who enjoys surprises shouldn’t be trusted. 

The something isn’t terrifying in the slightest, in fact, it comes in a small black box and flicks open to show two silver wedding bands. Daniel is a mixture between almost nervous yet proud of himself as Max takes one of the rings out and notices something on the inside, an engraving, two symbols that on closer inspection are a number, the number being thirty three. 

Max  _ almost  _ drops the ring, Daniel  _ tries  _ not to laugh at the dawning realisation, Max meets his eyes-

“It’s so we don’t lose them.” That’s the explanation Daniel gives, tries to play it off as something as simple as them definitely having the ability to lose them easily.

He doesn’t tell Max that he’s been getting these done since they arrived in England, barely in the country for an hour before Daniel was on the phone and trying to get the rings done, they had been done for over week before the first time slot arrived to be able to see them. A piece of them, a piece of what brought them together in the first place. Max spins the ring between his finger before taking the other ring out of the box too, to make sure that a three is engraved onto that, suddenly too overwhelmed to form words. 

“One job down,  _ huh.”  _ Max smiles, the sound of his voice almost breaking has him laughing at himself. “I-” Max closes his hand around both of the rings “- love them.” 

Daniel leans forward and kisses him, wrestling to take the rings back from Max but fighting a losing battle,  _ perhaps  _ he should have waited to show them. 

***

Max makes a rough guest list, pen tearing a hole through the page as he thinks about one family member that isn’t going to be present, Daniel and Sophie talk about caterers, Victoria keeps shoving Pinterest images of decorations in Max’s face and all in all it feels like a factory set-up. They know they can’t plan everything in the space of eight hours but know that with a schedule as stressful and unforgiving as theirs, whatever they can get done they  _ have  _ to. 

“Max it’s so  _ cute.”  _

Smiling, Max slides further down on the couch taking a better look at the lanterns that Victoria is showing him. He holds his hand out for the phone, taking it and swiping through a bunch of pictures realising pretty quickly that the majority of the pictures are of some soft, warm lighting of one kind or another, an obsession with fairy lights and lanterns. 

“Baby?”

Max looks atop the phone and cranes his neck to look over at Daniel, 

“Who are you choosing to be your best man?” 

It should be an easy question. Theoretically, it is the easiest question of this entire process to answer, Max  _ knows  _ who he wants. Max feels inexplicably uncomfortable by the  thought of asking Carlos, he doesn’t  _ expect  _ him to say no, tries not to think of every single person who has tried to ignite a feud with them over the years, to play them off against each other. Their friendship hasn’t suffered  _ much, _ neither of them take any notice of the rumours, the reports of a rivalry that simply doesn’t exist. 

The closest they came to a fight was in Baku, a coming together had ended both of their races and already beginning to fall behind both Lewis and Charles at  _ that  _ point, to say that Max was pissed was an understatement. Exchanging words was one thing, it wasn’t a fight, it was frustrations coming out and placing blame. Still, Carlos is the closest thing that Max has  _ ever  _ had to a best friend, knows that Carlos  _ probably  _ wouldn’t turn the offer down but Max still feels oddly frightened of stepping out and asking him it. 

Daniel leaning over the back of the couch and snapping his fingers is what pulls Max from his thoughts, blinking, he tilts his head up and shrugs. His own phone is sitting on the couch next to him and he picks it up, unlocks it and finds Carlos’ contact, his thumb hovers over it. He  _ knows  _ Carlos wouldn’t say no, it repeats in his mind, can hear Carlos’ voice now asking him why he took so long to ask in the first place. 

Max drops his phone back to his side, it can wait a few more days, it can wait until the doubts stop creeping into Max’s mind every other second. Daniel wasn’t completely certain about who Max had in mind, certain now. Kissing him, Daniel takes the guest list out of Max’s hands, the real reason he came over in the first place. 

Max grabs his laptop from the table but still thinks about just calling Carlos straight up and asking him this minute, it feels in a way,  _ stupid,  _ to say that their friendship defied the odds to do nothing more than exist let alone be one of the only flourishing ones that he’s had. His dad never let him become friends with anybody that could be deemed competition and whilst his father had his own views and wouldn’t have called him competition for Max per se, he stopped at nothing to try and destroy it between them. Friendships between teammates were always seen as  _ wrong  _ by his father amongst everything else that he deemed wrong for existing. Carlos was the first one to learn about his father’s parenting, he was the first one who understood why Max is the way he was, the fury and the fire, the short temper and the bad attitude. It’s the one friendship that’s stood the test and time and the shit parenting. 

After all this, Max’s decision is made, he knows that there is absolutely nobody else that he could trust enough to ask. He’ll ask him soon, beginning to check emails when a scrunched ball of paper hits him on the side of the head. Max frowns as he picks it up and unscrunches it, reading through the wrinkles what it says, 

_ Open bar? Say yes _

Max turns his head to meet Daniel’s waiting eyes, nods, and reaches for a pen off the table to write the reply underneath,

_ Of fucking course :) _

He scrunches the paper back up and tosses it in Daniel’s direction, grinning when Daniel reads it and winks at him. 

“Good call, babe.” 

Unleashing their family and friends on an open bar might  _ not  _ be such a fantastic idea especially in the lead up to Christmas but Max can’t find it in himself to care. 


	6. august

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly think i'm sick, i'm not hungry, i'm cold, i feel dizzy and just wanna sleep... now it could be that my sleep schedule is just fucked but i think i'm sick so i'm gonna post this, hide under the covers and watch man city. enjoy this chapter, honestly, don't hate me for the ending... pls... remember i told you the worst part was over, that still remains.
> 
> i love carlos and max's friendship, it's one of my all time favourite friendships. i'm a sucker for these mates
> 
> anyway! enjoy! i'm gonna sink back under my blankets

Arriving in Spa feels _strange _to say the least, Max is unsettled and can’t sit still at all - it’s one of the races that his dad is _supposed _to be at but with the lack of contact between them now, he’s not sure whether he will turn up and the _in the dark _feeling does nothing to settle what is set up to be a nerve wracking weekend ahead, off the track at least. 

Daniel and Carlos are amongst the drivers doing the press conference with him and it feels in a word, weird, like old times but not. Carlos smiles at him, raising his eyebrows when he catches Max’s eyes on him and Max barely manages a smile back. The question has sat on the tip of his tongue for days, he almost asks him there and then, to get it over and done with but in such a small capacity with three other drivers around him (never mind that one of them is his fiancé). Daniel drops his hand onto Max’s shoulder, leaning back against the wall but he doesn’t move his hand, Max doesn’t want him to. Daniel knows the schedule too, not as well but he knows that any race that could in any way constitute a home race for Max - he’s more than likely to turn up. 

It’s the subtleness of the anxiety that sets in a few days beforehand, Daniel sees it in the way that Max acts around him, throwing himself back into a shell, hiding all but two emotions, he doesn’t talk as much, sleeps more, clings to Daniel but pushes him away just as much. Having someone be attached to your side whilst wanting to be nowhere near you is the tip on the confusion scale but something that Daniel has had to learn (and pretty quickly) how to counteract. A sunken, shadow of the man he loves, it had taken no more than a matter of seconds for Daniel to pick up on it, he couldn’t do much yet Max hadn’t expected him too. He was there, _ is _there, it’s enough. 

Daniel squeezes Max’s shoulder, his gaze moving between Carlos and Max who are still sort of looking in the others’ direction. Max turns away and twists his body around to smile at Daniel, his ring sits in his pocket. Max thinks about it a lot, he thinks _ after _the wedding, he thinks about next year, he thinks about his dad’s words that still ring in his ears, rushing quicker than the blood thumps. It feels like an echo now, it feels the same as how voices start to sound when you’re drifting in and out just before you pass out. The words still resonate in his head, scream at him in the dead of the night when he’s struggling to fall asleep, pulling away from Daniel and lying with his eyes staring up at the ceiling trying to piece together all the broken pieces. 

The first time he confided in Carlos about how fucking awful his dad was to him, Carlos had backed away from him, skeptical but with the wave of concern flashing across his face - Max hadn’t blamed him for not believing him at first. The abuse has been so _ bad _that in some parts, it does sound like Max has made it up, sometimes refusing to believe himself that this has happened to him, that he has the scars and bad memories from it. Barely an adult with next to nobody to trust, confiding in the only friend he had. Max flicks his gaze over to Carlos once more, sighing, it’s not hard to lose friends in this sport, there’s a fear there, that stings the tips of his fingers and feels like a siren in his ears. 

Only dragged out of it by the sound of footsteps, the door opening, straightening his face and pretending as though his entire head right now isn’t a cauldron of insecurities and downward spirals. He’s good at that, at pretending as though he’s not apart inside, his dad _ hated _ showing emotion, hell, his dad hated him, he shouldn’t be surprised that when he cried after a race at four years old his dad yelled at him for ten minutes telling him why _ boys shouldn’t cry. _

Daniel’s hand rests against Max’s thigh under the table, a softly murmured _ you okay? _isn’t loud enough for anybody but Max to hear and he nods, stupidly, he wonders whether he will be completely okay one day but when his eyes flick down to Daniel’s hand, he sees the ring still sitting there. 

Daniel only grins when Max notices it, shrugging with a casual air about himself. Max hits his pocket and presses his thumb down against the ring, he thinks about putting it on but he’s never able to keep his hands still for longer than a few seconds at a time, he leaves it. Daniel’s hand never moves, Max is grateful for it. 

***

He tries not to think about it. He tries not to think about his dad being here. He thinks instead about his mum and sister being here, how they’re arriving tomorrow and how even though it hasn’t been long since he last saw them, he’s missed them. Max wonders if he can remember a race week that he didn’t feel just a little on edge at, he _ doesn’t _trust his dad, the man goes back on his words, insults him one week and pretends as though everything that isn’t fine is fine. Kicking up a piece of gravel, 

He feels numb to it all, his head feeling like he’s all the way up in the clouds as every noise, every single sound that he’s become accustomed to feels dull and echoey in his ears. He’s waiting around to meet Daniel, it’s one of _ those _afternoons when Max feels a little clingier than usual despite how embarrassed he feels about it. He also needs to talk to Christian, he told Max he had to - it sounded serious and Max hadn’t questioned it. It’s when he sees the figure cutting through the blinding beams of the sunlight, heavy-footed and stopping when Max turns his head in the direction of the sound, stopping so abruptly that he almost falls over his feet. The figure is blurred in the light but pointed in Max’s direction and Max can feel the shivers running up and down his spine.

The figure doesn’t move and Max can feel his legs beginning to buckle underneath him as the blood begins to thump through his ears. His dad _ wouldn’t _show up, not after what happened at Silverstone, he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to be around him anymore. Max keeps staring at the man until he begins walking and once he’s in the shade, Max’s shoulders fall completely because he couldn’t be further away from looking like his father if he tried. 

Warm fingers brush along the base of Max’s hairline as Daniel comes up to his side, knocking into Max’s arm but grinning down at him until he notices the pale, sickly looking hue about his fiancé’s face and his smile drops. 

Max blinks, he still sees the silhouette behind his eyes and even though the space ahead is now empty, he feels his feet sticking to the very spot he’s standing in, unable to work his brain to move, to look at Daniel. 

“Need to talk to Christian.” Max mutters, kicks up a piece of gravel near the toe of his shoe, _ need to get out of here _is what he wants to say. “Come with me,” and he doesn’t care that he sounds like a coward, he’s been scorned by trying to do something he didn’t want to do alone before. 

Daniel slides his arm around Max’s shoulders, fingers twisting in the sleeve of his shirt, his heart breaking at Max’s lips twisting into a frown as he looks directly down to the ground, barely acknowledging anything around him. 

“Before-”

Max stops, Daniel’s next words fall flat against his tongue when he catches Max’s eyes, away from people’s wandering eyes, inside and in one of few spots of privacy. 

“- He wants to talk to you because of me, I told him what happened. Not everything. Some of it. He said he’d talk to you before the weekend.” 

Max’s expression is unreadable, he doesn’t openly react yet Daniel still can’t decipher whether it’s a good thing or he’s just made the biggest mistake of his life. Max scrutinizes Daniel silently before wrapping his arm around Daniel’s back and mumbling a soft _ I know _into his shoulder. He didn’t actually know but he figured it must have been. Daniel holds him, kisses his hair, takes the few moments of quiet to just be with him, to add a hint of normalcy back into their schedule. 

Talking to Christian goes how Max expects it to, Christian not surprised to see Daniel with him and apologising for what happened and talking about the protocol they’re going to put in place from free practice tomorrow. 

“If he shows his fucking face around here again-”

“- I know.” Christian cuts Daniel off, side-eyeing him to remind him that walls are thin in this place. “I’m only sorry we didn’t stop him being inside the garage months ago.” 

Max shifts uncomfortably, thinks about when Dan and him finally told the team about their relationship, how everybody had felt more overprotective of the two of them. He thinks about what would have happened if his dad had known about their relationship back then instead of just having suspicions, wonders what would have happened if he’d come out and said to Christian that he didn’t want him in the garage back then. 

Daniel slides his fingers through Max’s, distracting him from his loop of hypothetical situations to smile reassuringly at Daniel, to promise him through actions alone that he’s doing okay thus far. He feels safer here, with the door closed and Daniel with him whilst they discuss protocols that are going to be implemented for the rest of the season at least. 

“The only problem is-” Christian starts,

Daniel’s hand around Max’s tightens which in turn causes Max to brace himself,

“We can stop him being in the garage during the weekend but we have no power of stopping him being in and around, not unless we have the permission to disclose what happened-”

“- No!” Max interjects, his heart beating painfully rapidly against his chest. “I don’t want anybody to find out about it.” 

The thought of more than four people knowing about it, the thought of people he doesn’t know knowing about what happened has Max feel queasy and lightheaded, he needs to minimise it as much as possible - _ god knows _what his dad would do if this became reasonably public. He’d make his life a living hell and that’s a terrifying thought considering what he does now. 

Christian doesn’t seem surprised but Daniel is studying Max carefully, his thumb rubbing over the back of Max’s hands as they sit there. A thousand and one emotions are flurrying through Max’s eyes in a matter of seconds, he can’t settle and can feel himself zoning in and out of the room. 

Power is a funny thing, power in cars, people in powerful positions at their jobs, the menacing power that one person holds over another, the power that ever since Max could talk his dad has held over him, being able to control him like a puppet and throwing punches whenever Max dared to question him. Even now, Max is unable to escape his control, even when they’re trying to put precautions in place - they can’t even do it the way they’d want to because every single fucking aspect of his life is being being treated as though they’re hanging off strings. 

“Just.” Max speaks, his voice hoarse and unconvincing. “If you can keep him away from me when I need to focus, it’s enough.” 

It’s a lie. 

“I can deal with that.” Max continues, he nods forcefully, trying to trick himself into believing that this is going to be problem solved when it’s so far from it that the reality is daunting. 

Daniel and Christian exchange a glance when Max turns his attention to the floor, inhaling deeply through his nose and coughing. Daniel shrugs, moving his hand to rest against Max’s back, wanting nothing more than for all this to become easier for him. 

Once Max is able to lift his head, Christian talks him through what plans he drawn up, Max tries to keep his focus and nods when he thinks he needs to but mostly he’s just thinking about being outside, he’s thinking of fresh air against his face and throwing himself into preparations.

“Thanks.” It seems like the _ most _ pitiful word to say into response for all that’s being done but it’s also the only word that Max can summon his energy to say, already drained but he wants to say more, he wants to show that he’s _ grateful _but he can’t form the right words and Christian notices it.

Christian kicks Daniel out of the office for a few minutes under the premise of talking about the weekend and Max feels guilty for relaxing once his fiancé’s out of earshot. 

“I wish we could do more, Max.” Christian thinks aloud, “I don’t know if there’s anything else, realistically, this is the best that we can do, for here at the moment, given time maybe we can look into something else. Just focus best you can this weekend, okay?” 

“Thank you. _ Seriously.” _Max tells him, pressing his fingers into his palms. 

They talk about it for a few minutes longer whilst some, only _ some _of the tension in Max’s shoulders starts to relieve, if it’s anything.Max drags his thumb across the base of the ring as he leaves the office and walks up to Daniel, nodding when he asks if everything is okay.

***

Max flicks the ring up and down, it glimmers in the sunshine as the minutes pass, once again, waiting for Daniel, missing the days when waiting for the other wasn’t a frequent occurrence, if one was busy - chances are the other was with them. Sometimes it feels like they’ve been in this routine for more than a year and a half now, other times it feels brand new. All Max does know is that waiting around is fucking boring. 

He flicks the ring once more and it flies up and away from his hand, he watches as it spins and drops on the ground, Carlos almost stands on it but stops himself and kneels down to pick it up instead, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. Max looks like a deer caught out in headlights when Carlos’ eyes land on him. It’s only a few seconds of silence that stretches between them, a curious if not confused look about Carlos-

“This is yours?” He asks, taking a cautious step closer and holding the ring out to Max.

Scratching the back of his neck, Max takes the ring back and answers Carlos’ question wordlessly by slipping it back on, reluctant to carry on messing around with it, crossing his arms over his chest, realising that he is yet to actually inform Carlos of his impending wedding, in all honesty, telling everybody but their close family hadn’t been high up on Max’s to-do list. The guilt that starts to seep into his veins almost immediately when he catches the look on his friend’s face only adds to how terrible he already feels. 

“December.” Max breathes the word out softly, it sounds no louder than the sound of their breathing. 

The question is right there, the opportunity right in front of Max’s eyes, there isn’t a single person around and he knows that rare occurrences like these are hard to come by and he _ should _ask him, wants to. 

“He’s lucky.” 

The corners of Carlos’ lips are curling upwards, mirroring Max’s actions by folding his arms. Max doesn’t say that he’s the lucky one even though he is, in this instance and in every other one that will follow. The silence returns, it’s got an air of tension weaving through it, unspoken words, Max knows that Carlos must be wondering about his dad and Max wants to tell him, _ not _to actually divulge the information but to rant about it, to call out his dad’s behaviour to someone who knows the most. 

“Carlos-”

Carlos hesitates before raising his eyebrows at Max, interested. 

_ “IthinkIwantyoutobemybestman.” _Max rushes out without so much as a single breath. 

“My English is not as good as you think it is.” Comes Carlos’ reply after a few seconds to try and understand Max. 

Max frowns, there goes his genius plan as to not be rejected, shrugging, “I guess… I want you to be my best man, if you wanna.” 

Straight faces are easy, getting yelled at by his dad - it’s become easier to keep a straight face to that but the hesitation between Carlos hearing Max’s words and actually replying to them feel so excruciatingly painful that Max almost dashes without hearing the answer. Lifting his gaze, Carlos looks almost amused, 

“Took you long enough, no?” 

Max looks thoughtful, eyebrows knit together. Carlos continues, 

“I saw you with the ring in Monaco and Austria, it’s been a while.” 

Max doesn’t say _ not as long as you think, _he just shrugs and nods. “It’s been a few months. We didn’t want to wait.” 

Carlos moves closer, for a second Max thinks that’s he going to walk straight past him and perhaps that’s why the hug takes him so much by surprise. They have never had a touchy-feely type of friendship, no, that remains with one person only and said person is _ still _not finished yet. No, they were always on the same wavelength, trying to one up the other one in any situation that they could but they always shared an understanding, something that fell deeper that what anybody could see on the outside. 

“There’s an open bar, right?” Carlos asks him,

Max laughs gently, shaking his head before uttering the words _ “of course, you know who I’m marrying, don’t you?” _

“This means I get to slap you if you have second thoughts, yes?” 

Max rolls his eyes. “Sure.” 

Carlos hits his shoulder once before letting Max go. The anxious ache in Max’s shoulders starts to relieve the more that Carlos begins to talk about his role, _ clearly _ getting way too into it, he wonders whether he made a mistake (he hasn’t) but somehow _ Carlos _with power might be more of a dumbass mistake not a haunting one. 

Daniel comes up behind Max, sliding his arm around Max’s shoulders and within three seconds begins agreeing with almost everything Carlos is saying. 

The indignant interruptions and Daniel kissing the side of his head distract Max from a looming figure in the background watching the three of them with a sharp stare.


	7. spa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am honestly running out of things to say here, so, i'm gonna ramble about stuff on my mind  
1) ferrarigate is something, huh  
2) i am trying to add a new chapter to this fic because at the moment it has 27 chapters and i honestly can't have that. i don't like odd numbers. i need this to have an even number of chapters  
3) you like this fic right?  
4) i can't believe i thought i could update this fic every few days, it's like i forgot i'm so lazy  
anyway! enjoy this chapter :) i'd say chapter 8 won't be far away but lbr... it's me, expect it some time next week

High spirits and relishing the day ahead are an unlikely combination for Max considering he’s somehow become used to an addition of fear, of the expectancy of something unwelcome. A good day of practice yesterday had put him second behind Lewis as the fastest, ahead of Charles in fifth, it’s hard  _ not  _ to be feeling good about that. 

It’s still early, earlier than usual but Max wakes up, feels well-rested, feels as though he’s had his best nights sleep in years as he reaches out to try and find Daniel but finds an empty space, doesn’t worry too much about it when he hears noises coming from the bathroom before Daniel appears in his line of sight, toothbrush hanging out the side of his mouth. Neither of them barely awake, it feels like the lost moments of years gone by, the stolen moments that they’re finally able to relive. Daniel raises his eyebrows at the thoughtfulness that’s sweeping across Max’s face like sunbeams on a summer day. 

This moment feels different to the other moments, no unasked questions, no dread. 

“Mphmk?” 

Max snaps out of his thoughts by the sound that Daniel makes, lifting his gaze, Daniel is already holding up one finger though and dashing back into the bathroom just to return just a few seconds later having finished brushing his teeth. Diving back into the bed, Daniel’s arms curl around Max and he pulls him into his arms in what Max assumes is supposed to be on smooth motion but honestly, how Daniel  _ didn’t  _ elbow him in the face, Max can only wonder. 

“You okay?” 

“Are you sure that’s what you said the first time?” 

Daniel cocks his left eyebrow, fingers moving under Max’s shirt, they’re fucking freezing and cause Max to writhe away, almost kicking Daniel in the shin in the process. Leaning in, Daniel hesitates, 

_ “Are  _ you okay?” Daniel asks, just to be sure, 

Max answers him by closing the gap, hands threading through Daniel’s damp curls, the water gliding down his fingers, lips moving together in a perfect motion, the world and the noise of hotel doors opening and closing fade away into the background. They don’t have long, of course not, but the minutes fall and blend into one. Lost moments caught up in the blink of an eye, Daniel’s gaze following Max’s, gliding across every inch of his face, pulling him closer and keeping him there. Reluctant to let go, seeing through the harsh exterior and knowing that there’s still fragility there but also knowing that the fight is still there to be won… in more ways than one.

Daniel reluctantly is the one to leave first, with a kiss and an unuttered promise that he’s sure today is going to be a good day and for once, Max’s agreement isn’t just said for the sake of saying it. Deep down, he can wholeheartedly tell himself and anybody that asks him that he has nothing but good feelings about today. 

He’s barely outside into the sunshine before he’s walking in sync with Alex with Lando coming up behind him and pushing him into Alex. A normal morning activity if you were to ask, Max doesn’t - stopped questioning him a long time ago, but still that doesn’t change the overall feeling of being relaxed. No, his mum and Victoria are already in the garage when he gets there, both of them waving at him-

That, they say, is the moment that it all comes crashing down. Max catches the way that Victoria’s hand stills in the air and the way that his mum’s smile drops completely. A shiver runs down Max’s spine, the expectancy to see who he  _ knows  _ that he’s going to reigns higher than every other comprehensible feeling. Time slows down as Max turns around but by that time - all he can see is his dad arguing and being pushed away from the garage, a blur, the shouting fades away as Max’s heart rate picks up. In one sense, Max can’t move, his fingers, his feet, his gaze and on the other hand he feels like bolting out of the garage, stuck in a bind and unable to choose which course of action to take.

His dad stops moving and amongst those telling him that he can’t be in here, that,  _ that  _ particular luxury is now a long gone possibility, Max catches his eyes. The harsh stare of betrayal hits Max in the chest, that this is entirely his fault. The fury in his eyes is nothing that he’s not used to but this hits harder, this switches the control to Max and instead of feeling even the slightest hint of pride, he can’t feel anything other than knowing his dad will probably come back harder. His dad is eventually forced out and he leaves with a crash of hitting something, Max flinches. 

Murmuring hits his ears but all Max does is watch the gap at the front of the garage, for a second he thinks his dad is going to come back all guns blazing but he doesn’t. 

“Max-”

It’s the sound of Gianpiero’s voice that brings him out of his thoughts, to serve as a reminder that the final practice session hasn’t even started and he can’t afford to lose his focus, he needs to just put this behind him as he usually does and get his head down. Nodding, Max breathes in and turns back around with his head up, he manages a weak smile at his mum and sister before dragging his feet across the floor.

“So…” Max trails off, feeling like he’s just been sucker punched, maintains a straight face but that’s all he can handle as he struggles to settle his gaze on anything. “What’s the plan for today?” Every word feels so foreign on his tongue, the urge to not say another word for the rest of the weekend settles and Max wraps his fingers around the edge of the desk until his knuckles turn white. 

Gianpiero asks him if he’s okay just before Max reaches for his helmet, Max shrugs, mutters something about being better in the car. The car looks like the only place Max can go to contain any kind of emotions, fingers itching to get to it. Pulling his helmet on, Max catches his mum on the phone, looking irritated as she walks back and forth at the back of the garage but she smiles once she catches Max watching her, mouthing  _ don’t worry.  _ Max doesn’t worry, he can’t afford to and at least he  _ trusts  _ her. 

Max’s session starts twenty minutes in and it’s been the longest twenty minutes of his life waiting for it, desperate to get out of the garage, needing to be on the track, needing  _ something  _ to concentrate on. He’s played dumb for years, agreed to everything his dad yelled at him for, never once arguing back for sake of keeping peace, for keeping his face clean of cuts and bruises, to avoid the inevitable questions that would come. Sometimes that wasn’t even enough to avoid the violent turn it would take. He thinks about what would have happened if he’d have known back as a kid and struggling against the never-ending bullying from his own father what he knows now. He wonders what would have happened if his mum had known about it when she first should have, or even if he would have told Daniel about it earlier than he had.

Hindsight is a terrible thing. 

He comes up third overall, ahead of Ferrari, behind Mercedes, it seems to be an almost similar story every race when it comes to how qualifying seems to shake up - up there but not the quickest overall, and pole position comes with getting the speed from somewhere deep, pushing hard and when the car is back in the garage, Max releases the breath it feels like he’s been holding for an hour. 

He stays in the car for a few minutes, pulls his helmet off and just waits out as the sound of the cars all around him start to die down, thinks of the few hours he has now before qualifying, realises that he is absolutely useless at hiding his true feelings around his family. Before all that, he twists and cranes his neck to see his mum and Victoria talking to each other and in all honesty, he just wants to get out of the car and go to hug her. 

Climbing out of the car eventually feels heavy and he definitely doesn’t hit the ground with as much grace as he usually does but he plays it off, shrugging and walking over to the screens to go over some of the data. The car is good, Max is doing good in it, qualifying looks hopeful. Max can’t complain, well, he can’t complain about that. 

Sophie wraps him in a hug when he’s done, cradling his face in her hands, she doesn’t ask but her eyes ask Max the one question that he’s been expecting,  _ are you okay?  _ Max just shrugs, he doesn’t want to talk about him, wants to forget he exists in all aspects of his life - he knows it’s wishful thinking though perhaps one day it’s going to be a reality. 

***

Max can’t stop bouncing his knees, he keeps folding his hands and unfolding them just a matter of seconds later, he tries to concentrate on his mum asking him how wedding planning is going. It’s going. It’s hard to focus on planning now that the summer break is over but he knows that the list that sits on Max’s fridge is slowly but surely getting a lot of things crossed out, some quicker than others. Max digs his palm into his thigh to stop his leg moving but it’s to no avail, he’s still out of it, it’s noticeable - especially from the look that Sophie sends him. 

Max sees Daniel out of the corner of his eye as he approaches but before Max can even pull him down to tell him what happened, he’s asking-

“Hey, what was all that commotion outside your garage before?” 

Max stares up at Daniel dumbly, his leg bouncing even more irritatingly than before and he’s pressing his hands together. Daniel frowns as he sits in the empty chair beside Max, reaching out and covering one of Max’s hands with his own, pulling both of them apart though it doesn’t do anything to deter Max from his distractedness. He digs his heels into the floor, his legs don’t stop shaking. Daniel sends a pleading look to Sophie and Victoria before taking matters into his own hands, quite literally, he presses his palms against Max’s cheeks and brushes his thumb across his fiancé’s cheekbones to try and pull Max back into the room.

It works, sort of. 

Max blinks as he meets Daniel’s eyes, his eyes stinging as he registers the noise around him, how warm Daniel’s hands are and feels himself slowly sinking back into reality, left with just the prospect of having to tell Daniel that his dad caused the commotion and wonder how Daniel hadn’t just assumed that already. 

“My dad.” Max admits, squinting and twisting his lips into a frown. 

Daniel raises his eyebrows, turning to Sophie who just nods too, and the immediate bubble of anger is something unsurprising anymore. Max watches him, lifting his hand to cover one of Daniel’s hands to stop him from spiralling down until to a state of anger that he’s going to find it hard to come back from. 

“He… I don’t know if he already knew about not being allowed in anymore or whether he just ignored it.” 

_ Ignored it,  _ Daniel thinks but doesn’t say it. He just moves his hand to loosely entwine his fingers with Max’s. It was less than four hours ago that Max was all smiles, feeling  _ great  _ about the day and now they’re back to square one, that chokehold that his dad has had on him for years still managing to weave through precautions, still managing to throw more than a spanner in the works,  _ no,  _ he manages to throw a fucking toolbox in the works. 

“What should- what do  _ you  _ want to do?” Daniel asks, he balls his hand into a fist until his nails dig into his palm, cutting against the skin. 

Max shakes his head almost immediately, “I don’t want to do anything. I’m sick of doing something. It’s never going to work anyway.” He growls, a sharp bite to his voice as he glares at the table, harsh and unforgiving, the same look his dad gives him when he makes the most miniscule of mistakes. 

Daniel knows Max is stubborn,  _ Jesus Christ,  _ he’s one of the most stubborn people that he’s ever met in his life but he also knows that this is possibly the recipe for disaster, the underlying tone of giving up, not wanting to fight anymore. Daniel knows that this is the worst thing Max can do, he might not be able to fight his battles for him but he’s sure as hell not going to let Max just accept defeat, not like this. 

“Excuse us.” Daniel calls out, standing up and pulling Max with him. 

Max follows, doesn’t question anything and Daniel almost stops walking completely when he realises this is  _ exactly  _ what Max would have done as a child, being pulled left and right and just having to comply and follow without question. Daniel does stop, turning around and leaning in to kiss Max, slowly and carefully. 

Max falls against the wall, his head back against the wall, it’s a little damp and it soaks the base of his hairline as Daniel shifts his weight from foot to foot.  _ Don’t let him beat you.  _ It sounds ominous if Daniel was to just say that, Max is undoubtedly going to reply with  _ who?  _ It could go on back and forth for minutes and they could get absolutely  nowhere. 

“Baby-”

“- I’m running out of ways to stop him. You should have seen the way he looked at me when he realised they weren’t going to let him in.” Max laughs, it’s bitter but broken with the waves of sadness that he can’t keep out. “I don’t know how I’m going to stop him, he’s never played by anybody else’s rules but his own, if he doesn’t get his own way, he takes matters into his own hands. He’s… unstoppable.” 

Every word that Max says breaks Daniel’s heart that little bit more. He’s heard Max when his dad gets too much but he’s never heard him sound so defeated but he doesn’t know how to drag him back up from this. Max shrugs, standing up straight and crossing his arms over his chest but Daniel spots him wavering, wanting him to say something to argue against Max’s words, and he does. 

“You’re stronger than him.” Daniel tells him and it’s nothing less than the truth. “You know, all it takes is for him to crack first and you win.” 

Max scoffs, rolling his eyes to emphasise his point. “Funny.” 

“He will, the more  _ you  _ push against him, the weaker his defence comes, he’s going to say the wrong thing to somebody around you and it’s going to backfire.” Daniel continues, sliding his arm around Max’s shoulders and scratching the back of his neck gently. “You need to keep pushing back.”

“You’re sure about this?” 

Daniel shakes his head, “sure about  _ you.”  _

Max laughs slight sappiness that seeps through into Daniel’s voice but the words resonate harder than any barrage of insults from his dad ever have. 

Max isn’t sure if he believes them entirely but he can’t find it in himself to argue with them, nodding and mumbling out a small  _ okay  _ seem to be enough, leaning into Daniel’s side, he realises one thing and that is that Daniel is  _ maybe  _ right about one of his dad’s comments backfiring, he’s always walking into a ring of fire one way or another. 

***

They still sit in the back of his mind when he’s pulling his helmet on and readying himself for qualifying, eyes set on pole position, his fight mostly with Mercedes today, knowing that Alex is all for chasing down the Ferraris. He needs this pole, not just for the team, not just to give him a much needed boost going into the race tomorrow - he needs it on a much bigger level,  _ personal.  _ He catches his mum and sister’s eyes just before he climbs into the car. 

It’s the tightest qualifying of the season when he’s still stuck behind Valtteri in third place during Q1 and Q2, he knows he needs to pull it out of the bag in Q3. He balls his hands up into fists as he waits in the garage for it to start, deep breath after deep breath, a determination in his eyes as he waits for the go. 

He throws in two laps but still finds himself short.  _ Sure about you.  _ Daniel’s words from less than two hours ago are back in his ears, ringing as they repeat and repeat, he’s never not had faith in Max - that particular belief has never wavered once, through all the failures, through the fights, he’s always been able to believe in him. 

He’s given him the support that his dad should have given him all those years ago. 

Max goes out for his third lap with just over two and a half minutes to go,  _ sure about you,  _ it still thumps around his ears like his blood, he flies around the track, pushing as hard as he can, not letting up for even a thousandth of a second as he glides, feeling free, pushing the entire day so far to the back of his mind and when he crosses the line. 

He beats Lewis to pole by a hundredth of a second. 

Pole position is his. The race is his to lose and Max could honest to god could almost fucking cry when he hears the words _pole position_ on the radio. 


	8. champagne kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two updates in a week? yes i know. i'm shocked too. wtf. but seriously i think i need to get a grip with posting this regularly otherwise it'll take me forever ajskdks and i'm already pretty terrible at updating regularly. anyway. idk. enjoy. my favourite chapters come next! :)

Max watches the sun rise for the first time in weeks, not just through a blinded haze from having forgotten to close the curtains either, no, he’s wide awake and sitting on the chair in the corner of the room near the window. He’s been scrolling mindlessly through Instagram for the best part of an hour and he’s seen the same post over and over again. Daniel tosses and turns for a few minutes, arm curling around one of the pillows before falling dead asleep again, and Max watches him, gaze falling across every inch of him as he tries to savour the image, the quietness that accompanies it. 

It’s not often that Max feels nervous for a race, and deep down he knows it’s not the race itself that he’s actually nervous for but he almost wishes that it was instead. Balancing his phone on the edge of his knee, Max stares out of the window, how the sun glides across the sky in stripes of yellow and orange as he settles in the corner of the chair, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he hears the sound of the sheets rustling before catching Daniel lifting his head from the pillows out of the corner of his eye. Dishevelled an disoriented, it takes more than a few seconds for Daniel to find Max in the ever dawning light that’s seeping into the room. They get nights and mornings like this now, their teams having given up on making them sleep in separate rooms a  _ long  _ time ago, they’re lucky. Max is  _ lucky.  _ Daniel turns onto his side, head sinking back into the pillows but with one eye open, he mumbles the question of  _ what are you doing up?  _ just loud enough for Max to hear, 

Max shrugs, “couldn’t sleep.” It’s not a lie, he couldn’t sleep, found himself slowly waking up whilst it was still dark outside, found it hard to fall back asleep and soon after gave up on going back to sleep completely. 

The words become lost in the room, so much so that Max isn’t entirely convinced that Daniel has heard him, he wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t after all but Daniel is pushing the sheets off him and climbing out of bed and slowly dragging his feet across the carpet to join Max’s side, kneeling down, Daniel curls his fingers around Max’s wrist gently. 

“I always wake up before you-” it’s the truth, Max can’t argue with that, “are you okay?” 

Max tilts his head to the side, eyes boring into Daniel’s as he tries to coherently form his answer in his head first but before he can answer his question, Daniel’s phone starts ringing from where it’s lying on the bedside table. 

“- Hold that thought,” Daniel smiles, leaning in to kiss him but catching the corner of Max’s mouth instead as he gets back to his feet to go and grab his phone, frowning at the contact before answering it. 

Max watches him as he paces the room, stopping every now and then, he’s smiling about whatever the reason for the phone call is though he does call out whoever it is for calling him so  _ early.  _ Max curls his neck over the back of his neck trying to get himself comfortable as Daniel meets his eyes, mumbling  _ one minute  _ to Max, he keeps his eyes on him though and it takes a further five minutes until Daniel ends the call. 

“I have us a bar and a photographer sorted.”

“You’ve been working on that?” Max asks, surprised and he doesn’t hide it well at all, in all honesty, this is the first time this weekend that he’s even thought about planning their wedding, completely distracted, his mind a mess of incoherent thoughts and pressure. 

Daniel notices and shakes his head, “still not as much as mum and Sophie, don’t get me wrong, you know they call each other every night to talk wedding plans?” 

Max smiles at the thought, stretching his arms above his head, he’s grateful for the both of them, they’d be in a huge mess without their help during the last few weeks and knows they’re going to be so incredibly important to making sure their day goes without a hitch. 

“I know, Vic sends me updates on what they’re doing… they’re coming out next week for the race, right?” 

Daniel hums, nodding when the question finally registers, smiling when he thinks about both of their families, well, sort of, being together and how it marks another month down on their wedding countdown. It hasn’t begun to sink in yet and by now Daniel doubts it will until after it’s happened, how the years have flown by since Max was announced as his new teammate, Max remembers the day as though it was yesterday and here they are now, just a matter of weeks away from three years together. Their lives together have been a whirlwind but it wasn’t all that way, not until, Max admitted to Daniel what his dad did and had been doing to him since he was a kid. They turned a corner, Daniel finally had Max trusting him.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel that long ago but other times it feels like too much has changed. 

“You’re worse than me for zoning out.” Max admonishes lightly, standing in front of Daniel now  _ (and when did that happen)  _ he wonders, lips curling into a smile when he feels Max’s fingers brushing against his cheek, softly, as though Daniel is the fragilest thing in the entire universe. “What are you thinking about?” 

“You, baby.” 

Max rolls his eyes, he mutters something about Daniel not needing to sound  _ so dramatic  _ but they soften at the corners before he closes the gap between them. 

***

Getting ready for the race is the first time all day that Max begins to feel normal about anything, a routine he’s had for years, it’s easy to escape to a world of preparation, to follow a list of what you need to do, to concentrate solely on that. 

After that, he sticks to Vicky’s side, almost glued to her as they walk through the paddock together, she’s always been able to tell when Max isn’t feeling his best so he doesn’t even have to say anything to her before she’s nodding in understanding, a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Max is grateful for her, has never had to keep anything but has also never had to tell her anything, sometimes she’s the glue that keeps him together during race weekends. 

Max tries to distract himself to run the time down, thinks about how it’s his race to lose, he’s never won at Spa but the thought of winning what is essentially the second closest thing to a home race without his dad being there to see it, to celebrate with him, no, if he wins this race - he’s got three members of his family with him and that’s  _ enough.  _

Max almost flinches when Alex calls out his name, joining up at his side with Lando following and hanging off Max’s other side just a matter of seconds later. They talk over each other because  _ of course  _ they do, it’s difficult for Max to hear himself think but luckily, he doesn’t need to, he knows what his focus is and let’s Lando and Alex continue to talk to each other, their voices rising with every word that they say. 

His mum and Victoria are waiting in the garage when he gets there, wishing him luck as usual and with a quick scan around everybody, desperate to see with his own eyes that his dad isn’t anywhere close by, Max relaxes, readies himself, feels good and all of  _ those  _ feelings together without extra added dread are a feeling that Max hasn’t felt for the longest time. 

“Get us a win today, mate.” 

_ That.  _ That’s the plan. Max grins, raising his eyebrows as he grabs his helmet, he knows that he has the best chance, he knows that a win today would put some much needed space between himself and Charles in the standings and boy, that’s just motivation in itself, he trusts the strategy, knows that Alex is good enough, crafty enough to cause  Ferrari problems. 

All directions lead to an overall good team performance and Max will be  _ damned  _ if they don’t get it. 

Max leads all but three laps of the race, storming home to his very first win at Spa in some style and when he hears his mum and Victoria’s voice on the radio, he can’t do anything but laugh at how goddamn emotional he feels about the whole thing. His pace was no match for Lewis’ and Valtteri and Alex brings home fifth. It’s a good day, that’s it. Max doesn’t think he’s had a day like this for a long while. 

The feeling of the top step of the podium never gets old, Max doubts he could ever tire of the feeling of standing on it, catching his mum and Victoria down below, in the corner waving at him and cheering him with their faces so full of nothing but completely honest pride. His dad has never been proud of him, he’s always faked pride for the cameras, proudly stating  _ that’s my boy,  _ but behind closed doors where cameras aren’t allowed - it was berating all the little mistakes. Max could have raced a perfect race and it still wouldn’t be good enough so seeing the proud looks on their faces,  _ Jesus,  _ if anything comes close to a perfect feeling Max thinks this would be it. 

Lewis sprays him with champagne and his heart hammers in his chest when he finally catches sight of Daniel hovering close by, waiting for him, for  _ him.  _ Vicky is by his side as he does his interviews, he talks about the race, talks about Mercedes’ pace dropping off from qualifying yesterday, talks about how the race was  _ his.  _

It’s what he needed this weekend. It’s what he got this weekend. 

Max finishes up his interviews and has a little time to kill before the post race press conference and he uses that time to find Daniel and he’s waiting for him with the proudest fucking smile on his face and it almost causes Max to melt in that moment. 

“You did it.” Daniel mumbles out, pulling Max to him immediately and kissing him, still tasting the champagne on his lips, 

God, it’s intoxicating. 

“I’m so proud of you.” 

Glistening tears in the Belgian sunshine, Max feels his legs buckle underneath him for just a second when he parts and meets Daniel’s eyes, sparkling with a knowledge all along that he hadn’t stopped believing in Max for even a second. Daniel’s hand rests at the back of Max’s neck to keep him close and just savour the quiet moment that they have found for themselves. 

_ Sure about you. Sure about you. Sure about you.  _

For the first time in a long time Max believes that he has the ability to do anything, fuelled by the support he’s had all along, or maybe it’s just the fact he hasn’t had his race hindered by his dad’s presence and the painful amount of pressure that usually accompanies him. 

Another race win to his name and this one might just be his favourite win yet. (He doesn’t complain when Daniel pulls him back for another kiss either)

***

Italy is going to come quick, the following week right around the corner and when Sophie pulls both Max and Daniel into a hug, Max is still reluctant to let go. 

Daniel moves away to give Max a moment, watching on but pretending that he’s not by trying to pay more attention to his phone but he keeps glancing up every few seconds. 

Sophie cradles Max’s face in her hands, scrutinising him silently in the way that as a mother she’s perfected over the years. It’s the same way that Max wonders if she can in fact read his mind and know exactly what he’s thinking before he’s even thinking it. It should be off-putting, it should be so terrifying that the one person who he has tried to protect from all the horrors of his dad over the years. 

She doesn’t say anything and Max knows that she doesn’t have to, she could just stay like this and Max thinks he’d crumble completely. 

“Oh, my boy.” Sophie sighs when she notices that Max is fighting against himself, pulling him close and stroking her hand through his hair. “You’re okay.”

It feels true when she says it. It feels as though she could say anything and somehow, some way, all the terror and the pain and the struggling would just dissipate in the blink of an eye. 

Max backs away, smiling at her in a wordless promise that he’s okay and when Sophie looks past him and drops her gaze on Daniel, she nods, and tells him that she knows he will be. Saying goodbye feels weird considering they’re going to see each other again in just a matter of days but when Daniel slides his arm around Max’s shoulders and kisses his forehead, Max relaxes. 

Going home for less than a day seems redundant when Max thinks about it, barely back in Monaco and back at his apartment but Daniel’s gracious reminder that they have to finish with stuffing invitations into envelopes before they mail them out tomorrow morning and head off to Italy, more wedding planning to be done before the race week begins. In a way, doing something so mundane like sitting there and putting invitations into envelopes is boring and not helping how exhausted the pair of them are already. 

Empty Red Bull cans litter the table around them under an hour later as Max holds an invitation in his hand, there’s a small number left, five to be exact and four of them are definitely going to be sent out but Max grips the one in his hand tightly by the corner. 

He knows it would be pointless to send it out knowing his dad wouldn’t come anywhere near his wedding unless it was with the intention to completely ruin his day but his chest aches at the thought of him not being there. It’s his  _ dad.  _ Daniel is still writing out the address on one of the envelopes in front of him and it’s not until he holds out his hand expecting Max to hand him another envelope does he look up. 

“Baby?”

“He’s not going to be there.” The resignation in Max’s voice twists at Daniel’s heartstrings, as though Max has finally realised, had been holding on to some last ditch hope that his dad would change.

Dropping the pen in his hand, Daniel covers Max’s hand with his own and pries the invitation from his hand, it’s damaged at the corner anyway and he drops it a good distance away from Max’s grasp.

“You know it’s for the best, yeah?” 

Max nods but doesn’t say anything, staring down at the table as he lifts his hand to curl around one of the cans that aren’t entirely empty, pressing the pads of his fingers into the can, the sound reverberating around the room. Lifting his gaze, Max nods when he meets his fiancé’s eyes, 

“I know but… it doesn’t feel  _ right.”  _ Max tries to push, wanting Daniel to understand his feelings but knowing that he can’t.

Daniel doesn’t understand, he could never begin to understand but that doesn’t mean that he can’t imagine, his imagination could never come close to reality. 

“I thought he would, even after what happened, I just imagined he wouldn’t be like this… guess, I’m the idiot.” Max laughs, bitterly, the self-deprecating essence of his voice hurts but Daniel lets Max continue, “I know he’s awful, but he’s my  _ dad.”  _

Daniel grits his teeth, even when he’s not anywhere close to them he still has the ability to send Max down a winding road like this. 

“I know.” 

Max shrugs and starts filling up the other four envelopes he has left instead, silently, lips twisted as he tries not damage them before handing them over to Daniel to write the addresses on. The sound of the TV feels deafening in the apartment now but neither of them reach for the remote. The noise acts like a barrier and both of them know they need it, but Daniel can’t let it go, it pulls at him as he finishes the final address on the final envelope and adds it to the complete pile of them. 

“You know,” Daniel starts, rubbing his thumb across the top of the ring that sits comfortably on Max’s finger. “It’s not as late as I thought it would be” 

It’s only a little past two in the morning but Max knows, even through stretching and stifling a yawn that  _ that  _ is not what Daniel wanted to say to him and with one look his fiancé relents. 

“Are you going to be okay with him not being there?” 

Max shrugs and fiddles with the bracelet on his wrist. “I suppose so, I think deep down I always knew he wouldn’t come but it’s starting to sink in now and… I didn’t think it would hurt this much. At least this way he can’t ruin it though, right?” 

The joke falls flat, Max had barely put any effort into it. 

Catching Max’s mouth in a miss that feels way too sugary, Daniel keeps his eyes locked with Max’s, 

“We’ll still make it the best day though.” Daniel promises, he doesn’t have to say promise because Max knows he’s right, 

They’re going to be surrounded by their family and friends who love and support them no matter what, the only disaster that is likely to occur is Daniel’s Aunt getting too  drunk, they’ll have their day.

It still doesn’t lift the heavy feeling in the pit of Max’s stomach entirely, and god, he wonders what the fuck will, will anything? 

Pulling himself up from the floor and helping Daniel up by muttering  _ old man  _ lowly but still loud enough for Daniel to hear it and tell him to  _ fuck off.  _ Max looks at the one discarded invitation that’s still on the table and glares, wishing it would just disappear, along with the years he’s lost along the way. 


	9. september

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay okay okay i know it's been a - uh - long time but things in my life happened and idk, it's not really been an easy time for me but i'm starting to feel a little better about stuff and well. i'm writing. so it's good right? anyway we're back! this really only has nine chapters so far... it actually feels like so much has happened okay anyway!
> 
> i missed writing this, posting this, thinking about this fic so enjoy :)

Two of Max’s favourite things in life are racing and seeing Daniel Ricciardo in a tailor-made suit, apparently. 

It had been a long morning, having gone to bed so late after tidying up to waking up early to post the invitations as soon as possible to flying to Italy, neither of them had gotten much rest but all of that had seemed insignificant when Daniel had walked out fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt and standing in front of a mirror. 

Max sits up from where he’s been slouching in the leather chair for the last five minutes and lets his gaze wander over every inch of his husband to be as Daniel fixes the collar before catching Max’s eyes in the mirror and allowing the corners of his lips to curl up into what is without a doubt a satisfied smirk. 

Max doesn’t move, feels confined to the spot as his gaze lingers on Daniel’s shoulders under the crisp, white shirt before moving downward, trailing down his spine, over the curve of his arse and everything in-between. Daniel glances back over his shoulder and his lips soften into a smile and in just a matter of short steps he’s in front of Max, hands curled around both arms of the chair. Tilting his head back, Max’s eyes meet those of his, it doesn’t make him uncomfortable anymore but there was a time that Max  _ hated  _ to maintain any sort of eye contact with Daniel, he always seemed like he could read every one of Max’s thoughts before he had even thought of them and it never failed to unsettle him, now though, he can’t pull his eyes away.

Fingertips that trail across Daniel’s shoulders, moving across with a delicate touch gliding across the pressed shirt, moving down, Max curls his fingers around Daniel’s arms, sliding down until they land at his wrists. Max can see the curve of Daniel’s lips out of the corner of his eyes before the touch of his lips are against Max’s, moving slowly, the kiss they share is one of the softest ones yet. The feel of being stressless and weightless entwined with the knowledge that they don’t have to rush, that they have time, that the clocks have stood still for them for once. 

The back of Daniel’s fingers trail down Max’s cheek and across his jaw upon parting, still within mere inches of each other, rapid exhales, breathless sighs and the hints of smiles that begin to make themselves known. 

Another kiss, needed if Max was to ask Daniel. 

This time when Daniel stands up straight and rolls the sleeves of the shirt up to just before his elbows, Max slouches back in the chair once more revelling in the fact that things are beginning to feel real, this weekend would mark three months until the day. Nothing leading up to this point has made it feel completely real, not engulfing him in the realisation of it all, no, in fact it’s possibly something small that has finally clicked the light on. 

It’s almost strange to think that with  _ everything  _ that has happened, it’s still only been less than two months since Silverstone, since  _ that.  _ It doesn’t bear thinking about but it’s something that despite the constant attempts to avoid sits mockingly in the back of his mind, constricting his thoughts a lot of the time. 

Distractions are welcome and Daniel in what is going to be his wedding suit is the best distraction that Max can ask for on a Monday morning, or just Daniel in  _ any  _ kind of suit, it’s more than just slightly appealing to Max’s eye. Daniel disappears before returning with the final part, his jacket, rolling his sleeves back down only to spend the next couple of seconds fiddling with the buttons on the cuffs again before sliding the jacket on, gazing into Max’s eyes through the mirror in a silent  _ what do you think? _

Max thinks a lot of things in all honesty, he thinks about taking the suit  _ off  _ Daniel mostly but he can’t stop looking at how perfectly it fits, how  _ bloody handsome  _ he looks in it, that he’s going to be married in less than a hundred days, it doesn’t feel real at all, no, it feels strange in all honesty but it’s a change that he is desperate to happen already. 

He’s going to treat his own husband better than his dad ever treated his mum. 

Max stands in front of the mirror later that afternoon, fingers brushing across the sleeves of his suit jacket as he pulls it over his shirt sleeves, it feels different to all the other suits he owns - he knows why, of course he does but he hadn’t expected the feeling to feel as immense as this feels. He doesn’t move, just stares at his reflection in the mirror silently scrutinising himself, dragging his gaze across every inch, every subtle movement. In an unspoken sense of something he can’t quite explain, it feels like the person he’s looking at isn’t himself, no, for once he’s not looking at a version of himself that feels beaten down or pushed to his very limits. 

“Stop that.” Daniel murmurs, lips pressed behind Max’s ear. “I know what you’re doing.” 

Max doesn’t have to ask, he knows that Daniel knows  _ exactly  _ what he’s doing and that’s why it’s slightly, only slighting maddening, before Daniel existed as an important presence in Max’s life - nobody, absolutely nobody used to know what he was thinking, could get away with even the darkest thoughts with a face as blank as a sheet of fresh paper. 

It’s not a possibility anymore. Sometimes it’s a blessing, most times it’s a curse.

Tilting his head back, their eyes meet, squinting slightly in the brighter than necessary light as their eyes meet and Max’s lips quirk up ever so slightly, 

“I’m not thinking about anything bad,” Max tells him, he doesn’t add the  _ for now  _ that sits daringly on the tip of his tongue, “I’m just… thinking.” Max explains but it’s barely more than a repeat of what he’s just said. 

Max is still trying to figure out how he can phrase his feelings when he feels Daniel’s lips pressed to the back of his neck with a featherlight touch, it’s distracting, it’s barely there but it’s distracting and renders Max’s ability to formulate his thoughts into something coherent completely useless. Turning around, Max slides his arms around Daniel’s waist, hooking his fingers together behind and tilting his head back, 

“What time are your parents getting in?” 

“Changing the subject, hmm?” Daniel teases him, lifting his hand to trace his index finger along Max’s cheek before ignoring his own question, “an hour or two? Pop did tell me before they got on their flight, I’ll check it in a minute. You okay?” 

“I’m great.”

And for once Max doesn’t feel like he’s lying for Daniel’s benefit, something about being in Italy a few days earlier than he usually would be, about knowing that he’s going to be surrounded by family, it feels different, it feels better, more content. He’s felt like this before though and despite it all, he knows being too hopeful is like walking head first into a sea of nightmares. 

Capturing Max’s lips in a kiss, he runs his hands across the fabric of the jacket before holding Max’s face in his hands,

“Ready to get out of here?” He asks, 

A confirmation nod from Max is all Daniel needs and they’re out of there soon enough, into the sunshine of the early afternoon. 

Adding onto what Max thought was a two item list of things of his favourite things, he doesn’t think he’ll ever become tired of seeing the sun on Daniel’s face, bouncing off his curls, it’s so hard to not just reach out and brush his hands through his fiancé’s hair. 

Daniel glances up from his phone and smiles when he sees Max looking at him out the corner of his eye. 

“Pop said they’ve just landed, you wanna head over and meet them?” 

***

Grace fusses over the pair of them as soon as they’ve gotten to the hotel (if asked, Daniel is adamant that they  _ didn’t  _ get lost), smiling through the exhaustion of twenty plus hours of travelling, eyes curving softly at the corners as she holds both Daniel and Max at arms length to get a good look at them even if it hadn’t been particularly long since they had seen them. 

“How’s wedding planning going, boys?” She directs the question mostly to Daniel, a look on her face that signals she knows something that Max doesn’t, 

“Great! We finally sent out the invitations and you know, we’ve been booking and planning other stuff too, we’re not slacking,  _ promise.”  _ Daniel says to her, smiling secretly, and really, that only annoys Max. 

Grace nods, cradling Daniel’s face gently. “Not long to go now.” 

Max shifts uncomfortably at the words, no, there isn’t long to go and the events of last night with Max and his dad’s invitation in his hand still sticks uncomfortably like clothing in the rain in the back of his mind and he excuses himself, walking into the bathroom and standing in front of the mirror, his fingers curled around the edge of the sink as he sighs, trying to keep himself from spiralling into a barrage of painful thoughts, not today, not when the day has been bordering on  _ good  _ so far. 

Max hears the footsteps behind him but he barely even flinches until he feels Daniel’s fingers resting against the back of his neck, his thumb stroking the base of his hairline and it causes Max to exhale a shaky breath. He doesn’t lift his head and Daniel doesn’t say anything, not at first, he just waits until Max turns and leans against him, head against Daniel’s shoulder and feeling Daniel’s arms coming up to wrap around him loosely. 

He wishes,  _ wishes  _ he could stop thinking about it or at least go longer than a day without having to worry about what his dad thinks about him, how much his dad hates him, the fact that he won’t be there, that  _ probably  _ as far as he’s concerned - Max is nothing to him. 

Daniel presses a kiss to Max’s hair leading to Max close his eyes, feeling Daniel’s heart beating underneath his ear, echoing as the blood thumps in his ears too, reaching out, Max twists his fingers into Daniel’s shirt and just stands there as the thoughts continue to weave and pull at him. 

“I just need a minute.” Max finally mutters, his voice is muffled but Daniel hears him, “I’m okay, or I will be.” 

Daniel just keeps his arms around Max, he’s not about to rush Max in any sense of the word. Max curls into Daniel more, breathing in the scent of his aftershave, the feeling pools in his stomach - he  _ never  _ changes it, it’s the most familiar scent to him after probably, petrol, starkly different but it feels as close to home as Max can get. When Max finally untangles himself from Daniel’s grip to take a step back from him, his cheeks are red and his eyes are unsettled, he can’t find one thing around them in the bathroom to focus on,

It’s the trick he learnt as a kid when his dad would scream and hurt him, it works better in bathrooms but that’s where he’d mostly be screamed at - the walls are soundproof for the most part and Max would count the tiles on the wall, counting until the shouting would stop. This time there is no shouting but Max counts the tiles on the wall, he only gets to seven before he hears Daniel asking if he’s okay. 

Max nods, breathing in through his nose and out slower than what seems humanly possible as he tilts his head to meet Daniel’s eyes, to reach out, to feel his arm underneath his hand to remind him that he’s right there. 

The anger comes after that, frustration in his veins at how it was something that wasn’t connected to his dad in the slightest that managed to set it off, he doesn’t know where the cause of his anger lies but all he knows is that he wants to scream and shout.

He doesn’t though, he can’t, he just shakes his head trying to get the anger to disperse in an instant. Daniel watches Max curiously, he’s never completely understood how Max can change his moods with the snap of fingers or a shake of the head but he’s seen him do it so many times over the years, watching as Max has been able to pretend. Max doesn’t have to pretend with him though, he knows Max will talk to him once they’re alone, in the darkness of the room, the night, together when their breathing is louder than the hushed whispers between them. 

They leave Grace and Joe to unpack and rest, Max apologies quietly for the sudden change in his mood but hugs Grace a little tighter than he usually would when she hugs him and reassures him that it’s okay. The patience, the care, the promises that Max has no trouble believing - it’s still so new, so pristinely bright and untouched and Max can’t quite believe that he has two more people in his life who care for and want the best for him. 

***

Max calls his mum and talks to her for over an hour that evening, they talk about mindless stuff mostly with Max just wanting to hear her voice, hear about her day and ask her stuff that he already knows the answer to  _ (you’re arriving on Wednesday, yes?)  _ and Max knows that because Sophie has told him numerous times but she repeats the  _ yes  _ without a single sign of annoyance in her voice. The sun still shines through the windows as Daniel watches videos, lying on the bed cocooned by blankets, the top of his curls poking out but Max can hear his laughter every few seconds and it distracts him from the conversation he’s having with his mum, leading him to ask her to repeat what she’s said multiple times and hearing her laugh slightly and mildly scold him to pay more attention. 

Daniel’s head fully pokes out from underneath the covers and he nods over to Max as if to ask if he’s okay, Max nods and answers the question that Sophie has just asked him. He stays on the phone for a few minutes more before beginning to feel a little tired, ending the call with a goodnight and a goodbye, Max pads across the room, dripping his phone on the bedside table and climbing into bed beside Daniel as his fiancé pauses the video he’s watching. 

Daniel doesn’t know whether to broach the subject of the rapid mood deterioration with Max but Max makes that decision for him, he pulls himself back until he’s up against the back of the bed, leaning to the side to curl his body against Daniel. 

“There isn’t long left, it reminded me that… you know… I probably have no chance of my dad getting over it before the wedding.” Max sighs, every word feels as though it’s jamming in his throat as he says it. “It’s stupid, everything seems to cause some kind of fucking reaction.” 

Daniel stays quiet throughout, his head against Max’s - a gentle reminder that he’s there,

“... I don’t want him to ruin it.” 

That. That’s what causes the irritating burn in Daniel’s hands, it always comes back to Max being worried that his dad is going to ruin it, that the chokehold he has him in is going to be the catalyst for disaster to happen on their day. Max tilts his head to meet Daniel’s eyes, a look of boyish innocence about him, his face softening with a pleading glimmer in his eyes,

“He won’t.” Daniel promises, 

A kiss to Max’s hair, 

“If he does, I’ll kill him.” Daniel bites, it could be taken flippantly but Max knows that he’s serious, “it’s our day, baby, he’s not going to be there so he can’t ruin it.” 

Max nods at the simple terms that Daniel puts it in but it doesn’t completely wash away the uneasy feeling in his stomach. He knows that Daniel is right but he knows his dad better, even when he thinks his dad can’t surprise him anymore, he does and it’s ten times worse than he could ever imagine. 

Twisting the ring around his finger, he presses play on the paused video - needing the distraction of noise even if he’s not watching with Daniel, he counts down the days until their wedding,

Eighty nine days, 

It feels like a long time but Max knows it’s going to come and go in the blink of an eye and perhaps that’s just what scares him the most. 


	10. monza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always think i'm getting somewhere when i update this until i remember this is literally chapter 10 of like idk 28 (i think) and i realise i'm not even halfway and then i just bang my head against the desk and scream. okay anyway idk i feel like crying as i'm posting this chapter and not because it's sad but like my updates are so inconsistent, i'm so inconsistent, honestly idk. feeling sad. must be lockdown
> 
> also idk idk idk this is the first time i've written a scene with carlos since the whole... thing... and idk, i debated deleting it and panicked over it because well. yeah. but then i remembered this carlos is just my imagination???? like everybody writes about and less panic. so. yeah. this turned into a weird ramble so enjoy :) x

Subdued. 

Max is having a quiet weekend by his standards, unable to match Alex’s times, loitering low compared to usual, his car feeling like a ten tonne truck over the same car he’s been driving for the rest of the season. He puts in his final lack-luster lap of the second practice session and calls it quits, frustrated and barely able to conceal it as he takes the car back to the garage. 

Scowling, he clambers out of the car glad to see the back of it for the rest of the day, he knows it’s a combination of everything and nothing, knowing that his frustration is lying deep and has nothing to do with the last hour and a bit but it’s certainly doing nothing but adding fuel to the fire. The blood thumps in his ears at a migraine-inducing tempo as Max fiddles around with everything, not wanting to take his helmet off for everybody to see just how pissed off he is, needing a shield to hide behind but having the next best thing. He wants to scream, shout and blow off steam but digging his heels into the ground until he can feel a spike of pain rising up the base of his ankle to the middle of his calf, he listens, biting down on his tongue. He talks through the data, it sticks for a second before it flows away as though it’s the least important thing he’s ever heard, he flicks his gaze across the garage, eyes unable to focus on anything unless the anything is moving, a fleeting image in the corner of his eyes.

Like most of Max’s thoughts, conscious and subconscious, they all come back to the same person, the overwhelming sense of calm like the sea hitting the shore with a swooshing sound before flowing back out without a fuss or chaos, he  _ wants  _ Daniel. He wants to be with him, he wants to be with his own family, his future in-laws, he doesn’t feel like he’s sinking but he doesn’t want to test his chances. Daniel’s words from the other night replay like a song from his childhood around his head, the same words that he reiterated, the promise, the  _ surety  _ that no matter what got thrown at them, how he could be so sure that nothing was going to destroy the one thing that they had,

Max doesn’t think he’s ever been that sure of anything in his life but Daniel is sure, and if there’s one person that Max’s trust in has never wavered, it’s him. 

He wonders why,  _ how  _ Daniel managed to split his life so easily to look out for him back at the start as though it was the most natural thing to do, wonders why he cared so much at the very beginning and feels his throat jamming up like paper stuck in a printer. 

He wonders where he managed to find someone who loved him so much and who he loves until the end of time itself. 

Blinking, he looks down at the data once more, the blood thumping in his ears and the tips turning red almost as though he suspects something, those harsh stamping footsteps behind him, a gruff voice calling out his name - Max’s shoulders tense at just the thought of it but he’s  _ not  _ here, 

He isn’t and Max has that on good authority too but the fear that remains spiking, every sound that he hears that he doesn’t immediately recognise, it has Max on edge, wondering if he’d go for it, would he try and get in here? He wants to say no but history says yes, in bolded black letters framed by flashing lights. 

A hand on his shoulder almost has Max slapping the person in question but GP is looking at him, confused,  _ concerned,  _ face awash with worry at how distracted Max is but Max doesn’t rise to it, play onto the fact that he  _ is  _ distracted. 

It works,  _ of course  _ it does but when he leaves the garage to go and find Daniel, he feels like he’s being followed, he doesn’t look behind him and quickens how fast he’s walking until he feels a hand on his shoulder, something stops him from swinging his arm at the person in question though, frozen that it might be his dad after all. 

The Spanish accent that he hears instead of the voice he’s half-expecting and Carlos drops his hand from Max’s shoulder at the fearful expression on his face, almost a mixture of drop dead terror yet emotionless and face as blank as a sheet. 

“Are you… okay?” Carlos asks,

Max finally remembers to breathe, shoulders dropping and untensing as he nods his head, frustrated at himself for imagining the worst of every scenario, wondering what Carlos is thinking about him-

“Did he do something?”

The thing with divulging your deepest secret to one of your first real friends is that sometimes they can see right through whatever wall you’ve built up and with just one question they can cause you to crack. 

“He’s not here.” Max bites harsher than he intends to, “he’s not,” he repeats, “at least I don’t think he is but I keep thinking he’s going to turn up.” Max shrugs, he’s spent enough of the day worrying about this, he has bigger things he should be thinking about. 

“Tell Lando he’s not your best man.” 

Max blinks and wonders where the hell  _ that  _ just came from. 

“I am too!” Lando’s voice calls out from behind them, “I would be a better one.” 

Max still doesn’t understand, confusion evident, missing two things, Carlos rolling his eyes at Lando but nodding in Max’s direction, there’s one thing he’s always been good at, he’s quick at thinking, sometimes he doesn’t think at all and it makes distractions easier to come by. 

Lando is at Max’s other side ready to plead his case, list nine reasons why he would make a better best man and truthfully, Max is grateful for it. 

He’s somehow dragged into the middle of the question  _ who is the better best man?  _ And that is the moment that Max manages to slip away from them, it’s always better to not get involved. 

It does mean that by the time he finally gets to Daniel and sits down into the empty chair beside him - it’s a little over twenty minutes after he said he would be yet all it takes is mouthing  _ Carlos and Lando  _ for Daniel to understand completely and not question it.

Their fingers brush under the table and the cool metal of Daniel’s ring keeps hitting Max’s finger, he thinks about his own, he left it in the hotel room just like he usually does, wanting to hide it, not wanting to draw attention to himself - after all, it looks almost completely identical to Daniel’s ring and he’s always been a fan of - the less questions asked, the better. Daniel wears his all the time, in fact, Max can’t remember seeing him without it since they got engaged. 

Tracing the silver with his thumb, Max can’t tear his eyes away from it, it’s there, what seemed like such a terrible idea at the time when he first got it and stared at it wondering if he’d lost his mind completely has led to now, to  _ this,  _ to them. 

Sometimes, he can’t quite believe that this is his life. 

Daniel slides his phone across the table so it’s lying in front of Max and he reads the messages from the group chat he has with his family, Max didn’t know that existed - he had an inkling but seeing it, imagining the stuff that they talk about, he  _ cannot  _ wait to be a part of this family. 

“They’re all having lunch together, can you believe it?” Daniel asks, the corners of his lips curving into a smile, 

Max doesn’t, not at first but there’s a message from Grace, followed by a picture of herself, Grace and his own mum at a restaurant. 

“Do you ever think they get along better than us?” Max asks, resisting the urge to scroll back further through the messages, curious to know what this kind of thread would entail and is it as chaotic as Max hopes it might be. 

“Isn’t that what you want?” 

He’s never really thought about it, not consciously at least. He’s always thought about escaping, that with Daniel comes a new family who love him and care about him even if it’s taken the best part of three years to see it true - he forgets that with marriage, it oftens becomes the joining of two families, that now they’re almost one huge family instead of just leaving one for the other. 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s what I want.” Max smiles, he slides the phone back across to Daniel but he doesn’t let go of it immediately, Daniel sighs,

“Most of it is about travel details but go on.” And he’s grinning at Max, letting go of his phone again to let Max scroll back through the messages - Max’s curiosity managing to outstubborn him. 

Max definitely doesn’t spend the next ten minutes ignoring everything Daniel is saying to him because he’s too busy reading nonsensical messages from ridiculous hours of the morning, there’s something heartwarming to Max about the fact that Daniel will send the same senseless messages to his parents that he does to Max in the dead of night, god knows, he’s woken up to the weirdest good morning messages before now. 

He sometimes still gets them, even when they’re sleeping beside each other, at least  _ those  _ times he gets to wake up to see Daniel’s smile as he tries to make sense of whatever he’s sent him this time, usually they’re videos - Max thinks those might be the worst, he never knows what to expect. 

Max slides the phone back across the table and taps his fingers against the edge of it, looking around and they get lunch and they talk about anything and everything. Max talks about Carlos and Lando,

“I reckon that’s a disaster waiting to happen.” Daniel interrupts, “they’ll spend too much time competing with each other to be the best they’re going to forget to get the rings.” 

“There’s always gummy rings.” Max smiles, almost letting himself toy with the idea, “they’d taste better.” 

_ “Baby,  _ why does that sound like you know what your ring tastes like?” 

Max shrugs, “what do  _ you  _ think?” 

Daniel doesn’t answer, he just smiles at him, nudging their fingers together where they lay atop the table. It’s the closest that they’re going to come to holding hands, the backs of Daniel’s fingers brushing against the back of Max’s hand. 

It’s the first time that Daniel has seen Max so  _ free,  _ not tensing up at every given opportunity because he’s worried that his dad is going to turn up at any moment, he’s talking about whatever is coming to mind and not getting distracted and down, if this is what getting his dad out of the picture does,

Daniel thinks he’ll stop at nothing for that to happen. 

*** 

The thing about bad days is that the next day can’t be as bad,  _ usually.  _ Max is sure that the car won’t feel as bad, he’s sure of it, or as confident as he can be but that doesn’t explain why he’s waking up naturally a little before six in the morning like this is even close to his normal waking up time. Daniel’s arm is still loosely thrown over his waist, his face pressed against Max’s arm and he’s still completely dead to the world. Max pulls himself up to a sitting position and blinks away the sleep in his eyes and how hazy his vision is as the night still falls over the sky outside the window. The curtains hang down at the side, illuminated by the streetlights outside. 

At least if he managed to perform reasonably quietly (terribly in his own opinion), he knows that the chance he has to come back with a bang, maybe bag pole position whilst he’s at it this afternoon is almost too enticing to touch, to think about. Daniel stirs, tightens his grip around Max’s middle and falls back asleep in the space of a couple of seconds. 

He does the same thing again about a minute later and wakes himself up, rubbing his eyes and not engaging with the world at all for a few minutes, confused, unaware that it’s still so early. Max reaches across him to grab his phone, sleep a long forgotten possibility now and it’s not as though his head is empty enough for him to attempt to try again. Daniel slides his arm through Max’s still in a state of barely awake but at least he remembers his surroundings now, head against Max’s shoulder and watching him through blurry eyes.

“I wish you’d stop waking up so early-” Daniel huffs out, his voice laced with sleep, “it’s not natural.” 

Max side-eyes him for the briefest of seconds before shrugging, “I just have a lot on my mind, can’t sleep.” 

Daniel wakes up at that, eyebrows knit together as he hauls himself up so that he’s sitting in an almost identical position to Max, watching him carefully, almost as thought cutting through the silence with the question that dangles on the tip of his tongue will destroy the calm serenity of the morning. 

He doesn’t ask. Max has nothing to tell and their morning grows lighter as the sun begins to rise, Max scrolls through Instagram until his thumb aches and Daniel follows, posts a story, the quiet morning routine that became their normal ritual once waking up goes on as though nothing is different. 

They share still sleepy kisses, the warmth of the room around them, the warmth of each other almost lulling them back to sleep as soon as they realise they need to get up because  _ of course  _ it does. 

They have breakfast together, they meet up with their families and Max thinks about Daniel’s words from yesterday, thinks about how much he is actually  _ enjoying  _ their families being together, getting along, feeling like one big family instead of two families that are forced together just because of the two of them. 

It might have only been a minute but Max is sure that he can find himself getting used to it. 

In the third practice session, he puts in better times, the car feels lighter, feels like what he’s used to, and manages to sit predominantly in third for most of the session with only the Ferraris in front of him. 

After the session and when Max gets time, he meets up with his mum and Victoria and realises that this is the first time when he’s just had them here with the knowledge that his dad is nowhere near him and he wishes it had just been like this the entire time, the two people who  _ do  _ support him. 

Sophie notices his happier demeanour and whilst she doesn’t comment on it, she hugs him a little tighter. 

Qualifying is a little tougher to handle and he sits around sixth for the majority of the session, Daniel’s already qualified in twelfth when it gets to the top ten shootout. Max narrows his eyes as he sits in the garage, flexing his fingers, he doesn’t have his dad’s voice in his head, not this time, the usual barrage of insults, the voice telling him it’s pole or nothing - that Max agrees with  _ but  _ it’s not the be all and end all, he’s discovered that.

He’s discovered a lot of things. 

The weekend has barely begun and he’s learning. 

He puts in two laps and qualifies in third, it’s not pole but he’s ahead of a Mercedes  _ and  _ a Ferrari-

_ “And that’s P3 Max, good job, mate.”  _ Max hears through the radio and he nods in agreement. 

It’s not the best, it’s not the worst, it’s setting him up for something better. 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr!](https://pierlex.tumblr.com)   



End file.
